


It's Me Or Him

by someofthissomeofthat11011



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Choices, Destiny, Near Death, Possessed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 10:16:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 24,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someofthissomeofthat11011/pseuds/someofthissomeofthat11011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place in the fifth season when Gwen is still being possessed by Morgana. Gwen gives Arthur an ultimatum. He has to choose between the love of his life and his best friend. What will he choose?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur flagged down a guard stationed outside his door. "Can you fetch Merlin? He's probably in the armory," Arthur told him. The guard nodded and promptly left.

Arthur closed the door and turned to face his disgruntled wife. "I've had enough of this Arthur," she said in an angry voice.

"Had enough of what?" Arthur asked, legitimately confused. He wracked his brain, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Gwen had been moody and angry for several days now. Ever since Elyan died. Arthur could understand her sorrow, but he didn't understand why she would take it out on him. He had been more than understanding when she had almost gotten Merlin killed by accusing him of trying to kill him.

"Every time you need something, you turn to Merlin. You seek his council over mine. Is that not what your wife should do? Should you not put me first?" Gwen asked him.

"Of course I put you first," Arthur said, more boggled than he was before.

"Then put me first now. I don't want him to be your manservant anymore," Gwen said seriously.

Arthur's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "I can't do that Gwen," Arthur told her. He really couldn't. He would never admit it out loud, but Merlin had become much more than his manservant. He was Arthur's friend and confident. He wasn't afraid to tell Arthur how stupid and pigheaded he was being. Arthur loved Gwen and valued her opinions, but she wasn't Merlin.

Gwen sighed angrily. "You have to make a choice Arthur. It's me or him," she told him.

Just then Merlin walked in. "Good evening sire," he said in a cheery voice. Then he seemed to notice the tension in the room. "The guard told me you wanted to see me… I could come back."

"That will not be necessary," Gwen said, shooting Merlin an angry look. "I was heading out." She turned and left their chambers without giving Arthur a second glance.

Arthur slumped in a seat at the tabled, staring at the spot, where only moments ago, Gwen had given him the ultimate ultimatum.

"My lord? Is everything alright?" Merlin asked hesitantly.

Arthur nodded his head unconvincingly. "Yes, everything is fine. I just need you to tidy my chambers," Arthur lied. Merlin had scrubbed his chambers earlier than morning.

"Arthur," Merlin said in his 'stop lying and just tell me the truth' voice. "What's wrong?"

"I think there's something wrong with Gwen," Arthur said quietly. Merlin stiffened, something Arthur did not miss. "You know what it is, don't you?"

Merlin looked at the ground. "I know nothing my lord," Merlin lied.

"Merlin, you really can't keep a secret if you're life depended on it," Arthur told him, rolling his eyes. Merlin raised his eyebrows at Arthur. If only he knew. "What do you know?"

Merlin struggled to come up with a convincing lie. "The Gwen I know would never accuse me of trying to kill you," he said in a weak voice.

Arthur looked at Merlin concerned. "What aren't you telling me?" He asked.

"What aren't you telling me?" Merlin retorted.

Arthur sighed. "Right before you got here… Gwen, well Gwen did something that wasn't very Gwenish," Arthur explained.

"Gwenish?" Merlin asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Shut up Merlin," Arthur said tiredly.

"What did she do?" Merlin pressed.

"She told me I had to choose," Arthur said, looking at the floor.

"Choose?" Merlin asked obliviously.

"Between you and her," Arthur told him quietly.

There was a long, long silence. Merlin took a deep breath. "Well, it's been an honor serving you these past ten years sire," Merlin said.

Arthur looked up confused. "What are you going on about?" He asked.

"I don't expect you to choose me over your wife. She's your soul mate. I'm just your manservant," Merlin told him. Merlin was trying to hide the pain in his voice. Arthur was his friend and his destiny. While he would never truly be able to leave Arthur, he knew Arthur would choose Gwen. Merlin wanted him to choose Gwen.

"You're not just my manservant," Arthur told him. "You are my friend Merlin. I'm sorry I've said otherwise all these years, but you truly are. You are my friend. You are someone I can trust."

"But it's not enough," Merlin whispered.

"She's not the Gwen I know," Arthur said quietly.

"But you still love her," Merlin pointed out.

"Merlin, I will always choose you over her," Arthur said seriously. "You are my best friend. You really are my only true friend. Don't doubt that."

Merlin felt himself smiling despite the seriousness of their conversation. Then a sober expression came across his face. "I'll help you figure out what's wrong with Gwen," Merlin promised. "We'll get the real Gwen back."

Arthur squeezed Merlin's shoulder appreciatively. For a manservant, Merlin really was the bravest man Arthur knew. He was lucky to have him.


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur and Merlin stood in Arthur's chambers for a while, before the door swung open. Merlin glanced at Gwen before he put a pained expression on his face. "I understand sire," Merlin said, his voice coated with sorrow. Arthur looked at Merlin confused. What was he doing? "I know I have not been the most efficient servant. You deserve better."

Merlin spun around and walked towards the door, not making eye contact with Gwen. When he was at the door, he turned to face Arthur. He was grateful when he realized that Gwen's back was still facing him. Midnight, he mouthed. He knew from Arthur's subtle nod that Arthur got his message.

Merlin walked back to Gaius's chambers, his mind already reeling with the task before him. When he got back, he spent hours poring over books, trying to find out everything he could to help Gwen. When he wasn't reading, he was running errands for Gaius. He was barely aware of the time passing. He knew Gaius made him stop and eat, but that was inconsequential. He was driven by one task. He had to fix Gwen.

Even though Arthur denies it, he knows how much Arthur depends on Gwen. He knows that Arthur needs her. And he believed Arthur's earlier words, he knew Arthur would choose him over Gwen, that's not what Merlin wanted. Merlin wanted Arthur to be happy and Arthur won't be happy until Gwen is better.

Merlin was barely aware that he had been dozing off to sleep until his head slammed down onto the book he had been reading. He jerked awake and looked at the window. The sky was a deep blue, the color it only is in the middle of the night. He knew it was time. He and Arthur were going to figure out what was going on with Gwen.

Merlin went to wait outside Arthur's chambers. After a couple of minutes, he could feel himself growing impatient. What could be taking Arthur so long?

No doubt the prat had decided to just go to sleep, Merlin thought grumpily. However, as more time passed, Merlin started to get a bad feeling. He just knew something was wrong.

He opened the door quietly to see Gwen standing over Arthur's sleeping form holding a dagger. It wasn't just any dagger. It was the dagger Arthur had given Morgana for her birthday all those years ago.

Merlin didn't think, he just acted. He knew that Gwen didn't see him yet.

"Miht dagan, bepecce me. Adeadap pisne gast freondum ond min feondum," he whispered. He could feel his features shifting as he aged. It only lasted a second, but it was a very strange feeling.

The second he knew he was beyond recognition, he knew what he had to do. "Arthur!" Merlin shouted. Arthur jerked awake, the first thing he saw was his wife standing over him, holding a dagger.

Gwen looked at Merlin with a look of pure loathing before she raised the dagger.

"Flieh grima," Merlin muttered, watching as the metal plate from the table crashed across Gwen's head, rendering her unconscious. Merlin felt a burst of guilt. He hated to hurt Gwen, but he had been careful not to hurt her too badly. Just enough to prevent her from killing Arthur.

His reverie was interrupted by his kings stuttering. "Y-Y-Y-You," Arthur gasped out, pointing at him.

Merlin looked back at him, confused for a moment. Then he realized what Arthur would have seen. Arthur would see the sorcerer that had killed his father. Without a moment of hesitation, Merlin turned and ran out of the room. He needed to change back and quickly.


	3. Chapter 3

"Edniwe min geogud," Merlin muttered in between his gasps for air as he ran. He always forgot about how difficult it was to move around in the body of an old man. Old men tire out so much quicker and on top of that, their limbs are achy. Merlin couldn't fathom how Gaius managed being on his feet so much. Just running through a couple of hallways had Merlin borderline exhausted.

Merlin didn't hear footsteps chasing after him, but that didn't stop him from ducking into a hidden alcove while his features shifted back to his own.

Once he was confident his wrinkles had disappeared and his normal black hair was back, he took off his blood red cloak and made his way back to Arthur's chambers.

When he entered Arthur's chambers, he realized why no one had run after him. Arthur was far too busy holding Gwen to fetch the guards. Merlin thought he saw a tear fall down Arthur's cheek. He tentatively moved closer, not wanting to surprise Arthur and have him react with a fist… or a sword. When Arthur heard Merlin's footsteps, he looked up. A look of immense relief fell across his face. Merlin began to fear that he had hurt Gwen more than he had intended to, but he pushed that fear to the back of his head.

"Merlin, where have you been? Why are you so late?" Arthur asked. His voice was a mess of emotions that Merlin could barely make out the anger that would normally have been dominant.

"I got held up," Merlin said, intentionally dodging Arthur's question. "What happened to her? Is she alright?"

"I'm not a physician Merlin. I have no idea if she is alright," Arthur said. He tried to sound sarcastic, but the level of fear in his voice significantly reduced that effect. It didn't escape Merlin's notice that Arthur blatantly ignored his first question. He was surprised. It wasn't like Arthur to hide the fact that a sorcerer had hurt Gwen. Merlin decided to let it go for now. He would examine Gwen first and make sure he hadn't caused any lasting damage to her. Then he would question Arthur. That would be the best way to avoid suspicious. After all, Arthur was under the impression that Merlin hadn't been anywhere near his chambers when Dragoon had appeared. Merlin wanted it to stay that way.

"Put her on the bed," Merlin ordered. Merlin expected Arthur to tell him that he couldn't order the king to do something. It was a sign of how scared Arthur was that he immediately obeyed. He gingerly placed Gwen down on their bed. Merlin could see the fear, sorrow, and pain in Arthur's expression. Merlin carefully checked Gwen's vitals. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding when he felt her strong pulse under his fingers. She was okay. "Where did she hit her head?"

"Right here," Arthur said, motioning to the back of Gwen's head. Merlin lightly pressed his fingers to the area Arthur had indicated. "How did you know she hit her head?" Arthur asked while Merlin worked.

Merlin hesitated only for a moment as he tried to come up with a reasonable explanation. "She was lying unconscious on the floor. I'm assuming if she had been poisoned, that would have been the first thing you told me," Merlin said. He hoped Arthur wouldn't notice his hesitation.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Is she alright?" He asked.

Merlin nodded. "She didn't hit her head that hard. She should wake up in a little while," Merlin told him. Merlin hesitated before asking his next question. "What happened Arthur?"

Merlin wasn't expecting Arthur to look so torn. "It… I… He…" Arthur started his sentence several times. "Do you remember the man who killed my father?"

Merlin had to force himself not to flinch at Arthur's mention of his father. That was guilt Merlin would never be able to let go of.

"I… I saw him today," Arthur told him.

"What?" Merlin asked, trying to make his surprise sound convincing. "Where?"

"It was him that hurt Gwen," Arthur whispered.

"Did you tell the guards?" Merlin asked. His confusion was increasing. Arthur clearly knew Dragoon was responsible for Gwen's injury. Why wouldn't he alert someone?

"No," Arthur whispered.

"Do you want me to?" Merlin asked, taking a step towards the door. "He may still be in Camelot." Merlin knew they wouldn't find Dragoon, but he didn't mind wasting their time. Especially not after all the grief they've given him.

"No!" Arthur said. Merlin spun around to face him, his eyes widening of their own accord. There was no need to pretend to be confused. He had plenty of confusion to spare.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked. When he looked at Arthur, he was shocked to see the king was fighting his tears.

"Gwen was trying to kill me," Arthur whispered. "The old man… He stopped her. That's how she got hurt. He was saving me." Arthur hesitated for a moment before he continued. "Magic is supposed to be evil. I've seen it with my own eyes. How can a man be evil enough to kill my father and then use his magic to save my life? It doesn't make sense!"

"Maybe that man really did try to save your father," Merlin whispered. This could be it. This could be a moment where Arthur realizes that magic can be used for good.

There was a long moment of silence. "I can't think about that right now," Arthur said, shaking his head to clear it. "There's something else… The dagger Gwen was using to kill me. It's the dagger I gave to Morgana. Gwen is working with Morgana."


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin stared at Arthur. It wasn't because he was surprised about the admission Arthur had made, it was because he was shocked that Arthur could be so thick. The answer had literally been standing right in front of him and Arthur just hadn't connected the dots. Merlin sighed. How Arthur can be so smart, yet so stupid was beyond his understanding.

Merlin forced himself not to roll his eyes. "What are you going to do?" Merlin asked curiously.

"There must be some way to help her!" Arthur said, his voice overflowing with frustration. "I just want my wife back. And not someone that tries to kill me. Not someone who makes me choose between my friend and my wife. Not someone who could be so heartless." Arthur's voice broke on that last note. Merlin felt a burst of pain for his friend. It can't be easy, having to see someone you love so much and knowing that they aren't the person you know they are. To know the person you look at is just a shell.

"I'll – I'll ask Gaius," Merlin promised. "I'm sure he'll think of something."

"I will do anything to save her," Arthur whispered. "You tell him that. I will do anything."

Merlin's eyes widened and he hardly dared let the glimmer of hope make itself known. This couldn't be possible. Arthur couldn't possibly be implying that he would use sorcery despite everything that has happened. Maybe all was not unforgiven. Maybe, there was still a chance. Maybe Merlin hadn't ruined everything when his spell on Uther backfired.

"Anything?" He asked, his voice slightly breathless, but he couldn't help it. He thought he had felt hopeful before when Arthur said he didn't want to kill him, but that couldn't hold a candle to how he felt now.

"I lost my father to sorcery. I'm not about to lose my wife to it. Even if that means battling sorcery with sorcery. I can't lose her," Arthur said quietly. He looked like he was at war with himself and Merlin couldn't blame him.

Merlin nodded at Arthur's words. He knew what they meant. Arthur was choosing the lesser of the two evils and shouldn't that mean sorcery was the lesser of the evils? Merlin shook his head. He could think about that later. If there was anything that he was absolutely certain of, it was that Arthur was not ready to know about his magic. it was with that reminder, that Merlin was able to focus on the situation at hand.

He opened his mouth to tell Arthur that he would see what Gaius could do, see if he knew anyone that could help Arthur when he heard Gwen stirring. He looked down at her and saw anger, hatred, and fear brewing in her eyes. "What happened? Why is he here?" She asked. She said he like it was a curse. She winced slightly as she sat up and put her hand to the back of her head.

"I don't know," Arthur lied effortlessly. "You screamed and I woke up to see you lying unconscious on the floor. I told the guards to fetch Gaius so he could help you, but for some reason they came back with Merlin. Not that he's been much help. He's almost as useless as a physician as he is a manservant. And that's saying something." While his voice would sound cold and heartless to Gwen, Merlin could hear the underlying affection that was present in all of their banter.

"If I'm so useless, why not have me banished from Camelot?" Merlin asked. He was trying to stay in character and sound like he usually did with Arthur, but his amusement was really making it difficult.

"What an excellent idea!" Gwen said excitedly, her face lighting up.

"Don't be ridiculous," Arthur said rolling his eyes. His features hardened just slightly at Gwen's support of Merlin's obviously farfetched joke. "You may be a complete idiot and entirely incompetent, but you haven't done anything to be exiled."

There was a long silence as Gwen shot daggers at Merlin and Merlin held her gaze, trying to remain calm under her scrutiny.

"He's a sorcerer," Gwen said. Her voice was even. Merlin felt as if his world slowed down as he struggled to keep his face blank and free from fear. Even as it spread through every vein in his body, he managed to keep it from showing on his face. She couldn't possibly know. It wasn't possible. Then he realized that she really didn't know. She just wanted Merlin gone and would resort to anything.

Arthur's shock was not faked as he stared at Gwen. Then he burst into a fit of laughter. "Merlin? A sorcerer?" Arthur asked in between gasps of laughter. "As if. Merlin isn't smart enough to be a wizard, much less hide it from me for ten years. He couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it." Arthur took a deep breath to calm himself down. Merlin's face hardened at Arthur's words. He knew part of Arthur was joking, but he also knew that part of Arthur really did believe he was that incompetent. Before he had time to say anything, Arthur had composed himself. "Now if you don't mind, me and my wife really need to get some sleep," Arthur said to Merlin, clearly a dismissal.

Merlin bowed and left the room. He hesitated before taking a few steps down the corridor and sitting down, his back propped against the wall. He could be wrong, but he had a feeling Arthur wouldn't be eager to spend the night in his chambers where his wife just tried to kill him. Sure enough, less than an hour later, Arthur emerged, wearing his blue cloak to escape detection.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered, being careful to only alert Arthur to his presence.

Arthur froze and slowly turned around. The relief was evident on his face when he saw Merlin. Arthur sat down next to Merlin. Neither of them moved. Arthur was dreading the moment when he would have to ask Gaius to do the unforgiveable. Merlin was watching Arthur anxiously, hoping that he would be okay. They both knew they had several hours before the old physician would wake and would be able to answer their questions. So for now, they sat in a comfortable silence, trying to prepare themselves for what the morning would bring them.


	5. Chapter 5

They sat there in silence for several hours. Merlin stared at the wall across from him, pondering what would happen next. He knew how it would go. They would go see Gaius and tell him what was wrong with Gwen. Gaius would pretend he had no idea that there was even something wrong with her. Then he would pretend there is no way to cure her. Arthur would say he would do anything and then magically, pun intended, Gaius would know about a sorcerer that could help Gwen.

That is where Merlin's imagination starts to wander. He pictures futures that ranged from Arthur decreeing magic to be legal thanks to the use of magic in healing Gwen to Arthur shoving his sword through Merlin's heart the second he appears as Dragoon.

Merlin didn't realize that as the possibilities of his future darkened, so did his expression. Even though the future was uncertain, Merlin was overwhelmed with the likelihood of it ended badly. His death seemed more and more possible, the more he considered it. Anger and fear swelled up in him, two contradictory emotions. He was so, so angry that he had to hide part of himself from Arthur. Arthur was his friend and he couldn't even be honest with him. Merlin was also scared about what would happen if Arthur ever found out about his magic. He knew it would mean certain death. Arthur was king. He couldn't break his own laws.

While Merlin was unaware that his emotions were plain on his face, Arthur wasn't oblivious. After puzzling over the sudden change in his manservant's mood, Arthur broke the silence. "Merlin, what's wrong?" He asked. The fake exasperation in his voice wasn't entirely able to mask his concern.

"Nothing," Merlin insisted, trying and failing to sound convincing. He responded too quickly for Arthur to trust his words. He considered his attitude. Merlin had been fine until Arthur had laughed at him.

"Are you angry because I called you stupid before?" Arthur asked. In truth, Merlin had forgotten about that, but now he could feel a wave of anger rise in him.

"I'm not an idiot," Merlin said harshly.

Arthur looked taken aback by Merlin's words and tone. Arthur flinched as he truly considered Merlin's words. In all the times he teased Merlin and told him he was incompetent and stupid, Arthur never considered that Merlin would believe his words. "Merlin, you really can be a complete idiot sometimes," Arthur said, the exasperation not faked in his voice this time. "I know you're not always an idiot. Do you really think I would keep you in my service if you were that incompetent and stupid?" Arthur couldn't hide the legitimate hurt in his voice. He thought Merlin knew him well enough to know when he was joking.

Merlin looked shocked at Arthur's admission, but he was still angry so he wasn't about to let Arthur off the hook yet. "You call me an idiot every day! How was I supposed to know you didn't mean it?" Merlin asked bitingly. He was certain Arthur thought he was an idiot, but he was slightly relieved to know that Arthur had higher regards for his intelligence than he had previously thought.

"You're my friend. While I sometimes wonder if you suffer from some sort of mental affliction, there are times when you show just how wise and intelligent you are. I know you well enough by now," Arthur pointed out.

Merlin felt pride swell in him, only to be squashed by guilt. "Do you?" He whispered. He ignored the look of bewilderment on Arthur's face and climbed to his feet. He knew Arthur would not be praising him right now if he knew the truth. If he knew how often Merlin used magic. If he knew Merlin used magic at all. He would be too busy shoving his sword through Merlin to praise him. "Let's go see Gaius," Merlin suggested.

He waited only a moment for Arthur to climb to his feet before he took off down the corridor. He mentally chastised himself as he walked. He was being careless. He shouldn't feel guilty for lying to Arthur. The lie was essential. If Arthur knew the truth, Merlin would be killed. Then there would be no one to protect Arthur's royal backside.

Merlin forced all thoughts of his imminent death from his mind as they neared Gaius's chambers. He entered with Arthur right on his heels. Gaius was bustling around the chambers. He seemed to be alternating between preparing the grainy mush he always made for breakfast, and creating drafts and remedies that would be delivered throughout the day. He glanced up when he heard Merlin's footsteps, then did a double take when he noticed Arthur.

"My lord," Gaius said, the shock evident in his voice.

Arthur hesitated only a moment. "I need your help," he said determinedly.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a moment of silence before Gaius composed himself. He was an old man and had seen many things. Arthur must truly look desperate if he was able to break Gaius's composure.

"What can I do for you, Sire?" Gaius asked.

"I need you to promise to keep this confidential. No one can know about this," Arthur warned him. Merlin looked at Arthur shocked. He couldn't believe that after everything that had happened, Arthur still was worried about his image.

After a while, Merlin realized he wasn't. Arthur was concerned about Gwen's reputation, not his own. He was still protecting Gwen even as she was trying to kill him.

"Of course, my lord," Gaius quickly agreed. "Anything you say will remain between the two…" Gaius glanced at Merlin. "Er three of us."

Arthur nodded at Gaius's unspoken question. He needed Merlin here for this. Arthur shook his head. He never thought he would see the day where he would depend on Merlin this much. Arthur knew their friendship had been rocky, but somewhere along the way, Merlin truly had become him truest friend. He knew Merlin would be by his side no matter what.

Arthur pushed all thoughts of his unlikely friendship out of his mind. He tried to figure out how to break the news to Gaius. After opening and closing his mouth several times, he took a deep breath and told Gaius what he knew about Gwen. To Arthur's shock, Gaius didn't seem the least bit surprised. In fact, Gaius shared a knowing look with Merlin.

"You knew?" Arthur asked incredulously.

Merlin felt his fear rise up as Arthur turned on him. Merlin could practically hear his thoughts. A lot of idiots and insults about being awful at keeping secrets were swirling around in there.

Gaius nodded. "I realized after she had Merlin arrested because he found out that there was something not quite right with your wife," Gaius explained, clearly trying to stay as respectful as possible. What Gwen had done still upset him greatly. She almost had Merlin killed. "When he told me, I didn't want to believe it, but like always, he proved to be right." An affectionate tone entered Gaius's voice towards the end of his statement.

"Exactly how long have you known? Why didn't you tell me?" Arthur asked, turning his wrath onto Merlin.

"What was I supposed to say? I'm sorry to tell you this Arthur, but your wife, the queen of Camelot, your soulmate, and the love of your life is secretly plotting with Morgana to kill you. Would you like some more wine?" Merlin asked sarcastically.

"That's exactly what you should have told me! You're my friend. We're not supposed to keep secrets!" Arthur yelled.

Merlin felt a brief flare of guilt as he considered the biggest secret he was hiding from Arthur. His magic. Merlin pushed all thoughts of that aside for the time being. He didn't need to feel guilty about that on top of everything.

"Would you have believed me?" Merlin asked harshly.

Arthur opened his mouth to immediately tell Merlin that yes, of course he would have believed him, when suddenly he froze. He realized he had never given Merlin a reason to believe that he would have trusted him. And in truth, Arthur probably would have brushed Merlin's accusations off, never believing it could have been true. But Arthur didn't want to admit that, because that would be the same as admitting he was wrong. "I would have," he said stubbornly.

"No you wouldn't have," Merlin said softly. "You love her too much."

"I chose you," Arthur whispered.

"Only because Gwen isn't Gwen," Merlin pointed out. "If Gwen were being herself, you would pick her. And that's exactly how it should be." Merlin was pained to admit it, but he knew it was true. He didn't want to lose Arthur. Arthur was the only person he had been this close to since Will. But at the same time, he knew how much Arthur needed Gwen. He loved her too much to ever choose Merlin over her, with the exception of the current situation.

Arthur felt ashamed. Merlin had never given him reason to doubt him. But Arthur knew once Gwen was back to normal, he wouldn't have to make that decision.

"Should I leave?" Gaius asked quietly. Both Arthur and Merlin had forgotten Gaius was there. They rolled their eyes in unison.

"No, I think Arthur is done with his little temper tantrum. It's safe to be here," Merlin told him.

Gaius turned to Arthur. "I do not know where Merlin got his abdominal manners and disrespect for royalty from, but it wasn't from me Sire," Gaius told him.

Arthur laughed. "No denying that," he agreed. But personally, he wouldn't change a thing about Merlin. Merlin was an idiot, but he had the tendency to be wise.

Arthur forced himself to return to a more serious note. "Do you know what's wrong with her?" Arthur asked.

"I think I do," Gaius said gravely.


	7. Chapter 7

"So what is wrong with her?" Arthur asked quietly. It took him several minutes to find the words after he found out Gaius might know what's wrong with her.

"When I was young, I heard stories about an ancient ritual called the Teine Diaga. It was a ritual of the Old Religion," Gaius explained.

"Teine Diaga?" Arthur asked. The words sounded so foreign coming from him.

"It was the sacred fire. It used mandrake root to bring unimaginable terror to a victim. They lost sight of who they were. It broke them. Their will was no longer their own," Gaius said. Merlin watched as Arthur's face fell. He looked like he was being tortured. Merlin couldn't claim to understand, but he knew why Arthur felt this way.

Arthur had once told him that when you are in love, the person you love's pain is your pain. Arthur was feeling Gwen's pain right now.

"How do we heal her?" He asked anxiously.

"Gwen can't be healed. She isn't ill. She's broken. She's been broken by powerful. I do not have the ability to fix her," Gaius said sadly.

"There must be something that can help her. Please Gaius," Arthur pleaded.

Gaius carefully considered Arthur's words. "I've heard of a way," he said cautiously. "As legend has it, there is a place, the Cauldron of Arianrhod. There, the White Goddess could be summoned to cleanse someone of what is harming them. It was generally used for those who had been grievously wounded."

"This White Goddess. Will it require magic?" Arthur asked quietly

"It is a ritual that can only be performed by a sorcerer. It is the only way Sire. Sorcery has to be fought with sorcery," Gaius told him.

"I'll be breaking my own decrees," Arthur said. He wasn't protesting. Not exactly. More like he was stating the obvious and desperately looking for an excuse.

Gaius was more than willing to give Arthur that excuse. "To save your Queen, to save your wife," Gaius told him.

"Very well. It's decided. There'll be a sorcerer. Can he be trusted?" Arthur asked.

"Upon my life," Gaius promised.

Arthur didn't look convinced. "You assured me so once before, Gaius, but my father died in the hands of such a man," Arthur pointed out.

Gaius's eyes flashed with something dangerous in that moment. "I have made my views on that matter quite clear Sire," Gaius said quietly. He was still being respectful, but there was a note in his voice that warned Arthur not to tread further into unwanted territory. Arthur wisely just nodded and let it go. "Besides, this one is different."

"What makes this one different?" Arthur asked. He was trying to hide it, but Merlin could see how torn up it was making him.

"Because this time, the sorcerer I have selected is female," Gaius told him.

Merlin's eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

He was hoping with all of his being that Gaius sincerely knew a female sorceress that could do this ceremony. Merlin would much rather believe that Gaius hid this very important piece of information from Merlin for almost ten years than believe the alternative.

Because there was a very big flaw with the alternative. Merlin was very much male.

Merlin suddenly wished Arthur was no longer there so he could demand an explanation from Gaius. Because there was no way Merlin was turning into a woman for Arthur. No way.

"How are we going to get her to this Cauldron of Ari-whatever it was?" Arthur asked. "There's no way she will willingly go with us and I think my people might get suspicious if me or some of my knights forcibly drag her from Camelot."

"She'll go with you if she's asleep," Gaius told him quietly.

"Are you suggesting we drug the Queen?" Arthur asked angrily.

"No," Gaius said calmly. "I'm suggesting we drug the person that lies next to you every day plotting to kill you and pretending to be the Queen. It's the only way to bring her back."

Arthur waited several minutes before he spoke. "What exactly is it?" He asked.

"A tincture of Belladona," Gaius said. "The patient is rendered into a deep sleep. It is generally administered every two hours to provide continuous sleep."

"But for no more than three days," Merlin added without thinking. He saw the look of disapproval Gaius shot him. they didn't need to make Arthur less willing to fix Gwen.

"What happens after three days?" Arthur asked.

"The body will not tolerate it," Merlin said with a shrug.

Seeing the look of disbelief on Arthur's face, Gaius quickly added, "Three days is more than enough time to get to the Cauldron."

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked.

"Positive," Gaius said.

Arthur took a deep breath before he nodded is head. "If it's the only way, then okay. I'll agree to it," he said.

"We shall put it in her drink at breakfast," Gaius told him.

"So soon?" Arthur asked, surprised.

"The sooner we do it, the less likely it is that she'll actually succeed in killing you," Gaius pointed out. "And the less likely that she'll cause some harm to Camelot. And the sooner the real Gwen comes back to us."

Arthur nodded. "I must go before Gwen gets suspicious," Arthur said reluctantly. He turned and headed back to his chambers.

Merlin turned on Gaius the second Arthur was gone. "I am not, I repeat am not, pretending to be a girl!" He fumed.


	8. Chapter 8

"It's the only way," Gaius told Merlin sincerely. He was trying his hardest to hide his amusement. He did feel bad that Merlin had to pretend to be a woman, but the idea of it made Gaius want to laugh.

"How am I supposed to hold up an aging spell, make myself a woman, and perform the ceremony? It can't be done! I'm not powerful enough," Merlin told him. As much as he tried to disguise it, the fear was still palpable in his voice. He was terrified that he wouldn't have the power to perform the ceremony. That Gwen would be stuck as an empty shell forever. That Arthur would hate sorcery more than he had before.

"You have to be Merlin," Gaius said gravely.

"No pressure," Merlin said sarcastically. He started to walk away.

Gaius stopped him before he got far. "Where are you going?" Gaius asked confused.

"It seems I'm in need of a dress," Merlin said grumpily. He hurried to his room to get to work. He knew he didn't have long to make the dress. Breakfast was right around the corner and even he couldn't make a dress appear out of nowhere. As he made the dress, he couldn't help but feel more anxious. The future of Camelot rested on one solitary moment. For the first time in his life, his destiny felt like it was too much.

It's not that Merlin regretted it. It's just that he was scared. Usually he was sure of himself. He knew the extent of his abilities. And he was almost positive he wasn't powerful enough for this.

Less than an hour later, Merlin emerged holding the ugliest dress he had ever seen. He walked over to where Gaius was shifting through various papers. "How does it look?" He asked holding up the dress.

Gaius raised his eyebrows. "I think it rather suits you," Gaius teased.

Merlin chuckled. "Thanks," he said amused. Merlin put the dress in his satchel. He started to walk away to head to the kitchens to get Gwen's and Arthur's breakfast.

"Forgetting something?" Gaius asked him.

"Um…" Merlin said racking his brain. He glanced down at his bag. "Does it need a belt?"

Gaius rolled his eyes. He reached behind him and grabbed the tincture. "Remember, only two drops every two hours," Gaius warned.

Merlin took the potion and tucked it safely in his satchel. He sighed.

"Ready?" Gaius asked him.

"No," Merlin answered honestly. "But I don't have a choice."

Merlin left, heading towards the kitchen. He grabbed the tray and went to Arthur's chambers. When he entered their chambers, he set the trays down on the little table and carried the plates over to where Gwen, Gaius, and Arthur were sitting. He poured Arthur's goblet and then Gwen's, adding a few drops to the latter.

He saw from Arthur's pained expression that Arthur had watched Merlin while he prepared the drinks. He brought them over to the table.

As he was walking away from the table, he heard Gwen. "What is he doing here?" She asked Arthur angrily. "I thought you dismissed him."

"I did, but I couldn't just leave him without a job," Arthur told her. "He's not my manservant anymore. He's just a servant to anyone who needs him. If anyone needs him. He's pretty useless. Hence how he ended up bringing us breakfast." If Merlin didn't know that Arthur's words were faked, he probably would have turned around, called him a prat, and yelled at him. But Merlin knew that Arthur didn't mean his words. He was just trying to appease Gwen.

"That's practically the same thing," Gwen protested. "I don't want him near you."

Arthur sighed. "I can't just leave him unemployed. He's worked here for seven years. I will not ignore that," Arthur told her.

"You have to make your choice Arthur," Gwen told him.

Merlin turned around slowly. "Sire," Merlin said quietly. "I would respectfully like to withdraw as servant of the royal household."

"What is your reason?" Arthur asked him. His eyes were widened with disbelief.

"I do not believe I am fit to serve anyone of your royal status," Merlin said.

Arthur sighed. "Very well. Today will be your last day," Arthur agreed.

"A toast?" Gwen asked, barely able to conceal her victorious smile. "To a new future."

"To a new future," Arthur and Gaius echoed.

Arthur raised his goblet, but didn't drink from it as he watched Gwen drink from her own goblet.

Everyone stopped moving for a moment, watching and waiting. This was it. There was no going back. They did it. They drugged the queen. And now all they could do is wait for the potion to take its effect.

They knew they wouldn't have to wait long.

Merlin held his breath as the first symptoms of the tincture started to kick in. He rushed to the table and pushed a loaf of bread under Gwen's head so she wouldn't hit the table.

Time to put their plan in motion.


	9. Chapter 9

Merlin disappeared into the hallway for a brief moment and returned with a wheelbarrow. He looked up and saw Arthur's disapproving gaze.

"She's still the queen," Arthur said indignantly.

"It's the best I could do," Merlin told him annoyed. It's not like Merlin was risking his life by helping Arthur. He could use just a dash of appreciation.

"Surely, there must be another way," Arthur protested.

"Sure. I'll grab her feet, you grab her arms. We'll carry her unconscious body through Camelot shall we?" Merlin asked sarcastically.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Soemtimes Merlin, I wonder if you realize who you are talking to," Arthur told him. There was a joking note that entered his voice.

"Of course I do. You're the king," Merlin said. "And a giant prat."

Arthur rolled his eyes again. He opened his mouth to form some sort of retort when Gaius interrupted. "I hate to intervene, but we really need to get going. Perhaps you could save this argument for when you're travelling," Gaius said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "You have to hurry Sire."

Arthur gently picked up Gwen and placed her down on the wheelbarrow. He placed a kiss to her forehead before he covered her with the blanket Merlin offered him.

Merlin turned to Gaius. "We must hurry and get her out of Camelot unnoticed. Heavens know the guard will have a field day if they see me smuggling the Queen out in a wheelbarrow. Especially after what just happened," Merlin said softly.

Arthur felt a burst of guilt for what Gwen put Merlin through when he had been poisoned by Morgana. But he wasn't about to let Merlin know he felt bad for him, so naturally he covered it up with snark.

"Do you intentionally point out the obvious, or are you simply to dim-witted to realize that everyone around you already knows that?" Arthur asked, feigning annoyance.

"It's just one of my many skills," Merlin retorted cheerfully.

"Many skills?" Arthur asked. "What are your other skills? Falling down and making noise?"

Gaius sighed. "My Lord, we really must get going," Gaius said sternly. His tone left no doubt. He did not approve of their banter. Arthur and Merlin however appreciated it. They would never admit it, but their banter helped relieve the tension. Gaius didn't realize the depth of their friendship.

"Of course," Arthur agreed. He watched Merlin pick up the wheelbarrow. He was putting his queen in the hands of someone that could barely walk in a line without dropping something. "If you drop her," Arthur said in a threatening voice.

"You'll what? Put me in the stocks? Make me polish all your armor?" Merlin asked amused. Those threats had become empty threats far too long ago.

"I'll have you hanged," Arthur said. even he didn't believe his words and he spoke them.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to drop her," Merlin promised. All traces of amusement had vanished from him and Arthur saw nothing but sincerity in him. "Go, I'll meet you at the gates. Everything will be okay Arthur. Just trust me."

"Trust you?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," Merlin said seriously. He wasn't going to let Arthur joke right now. he needed Arthur to realize he could be trusted.

Arthur hesitated a moment then Merlin could see the resolve form in his eyes. "I do trust you Merlin. I trust you with my wife," Arthur said.

Arthur shot one last anxious look at Gwen before he turned and walked away. Merlin felt pride spread through him. This was bigger than Arthur saying he trusted Merlin with his life. Arthur had said he trusted him with his wife. Not queen, but wife. Merlin hadn't been expecting that praise.

Merlin noticed Gaius walk to his side where he was standing with Gwen. "He really trusts me," Merlin whispered to Gaius.

"You mean a great deal to him," Gaius said. "More than I think I previously realized. Not many people would get away with calling him a prat. He treats you like a brother."

"And how do I repay him? With nothing but secrecy and lies," Merlin said bitterly, remembering his earlier guilt.

"You have no choice Merlin," Gaius told him gently. Merlin was like a son to Gaius and he hated to see him so upset about something.

Merlin didn't say anything and it was clear he didn't believe Gaius's words. He didn't let that distract him though.

They quietly walked through the lesser used corridors in the palace, weaving through deserted rooms.

For their most part, their trip was uneventful. But they knew they were completing the easy leg of it. They had intentionally taken a very thorough tour of the castle to avoid walking through the busy corridor as long as possible. They would only have a short distance until the servants entrance that would enable them to wheel Gwen out of the castle. Merlin and Gaius were just hoping they didn't run into anyone when they were out in the open.


	10. Chapter 10

Merlin was panting by the time they got to the main corridor out of the palace.

"Are you alright?" Gaius asked concerned.

"She's a lot heavier than she looks," Merlin said, shifting his hold on the wheelbarrow to try and relieve the weight his arms were holding.

"Merlin! You can't say that about the queen!" Gaius said shocked.

Merlin shrugged. "It's true though. How can someone so thin be so heavy?" Merlin asked.

Gaius rolled his eyes. "That might be grounds for treason," Gaius pointed out.

"Great, I'll tell Arthur about it right after I tell him about my magic," Merlin told him, feigning fear.

Gaius chuckled lightly and said nothing more.

Just as they were almost to safety, two knights walked into the corridor. Gwaine and Mordred.

"Ah! Gaius and Merlin!" Gwaine said excitedly.

"And… a barrow of linen?" Mordred asked confused.

"Sir Gawaine, Sir Mordred," Gaius said respectfully.

"Gwaine," Merlin said nodding. "Mordred."

Gaius tisked from disapproval. He didn't know where Merlin learned to be so disrespectful. Either way, neither Gwaine nor Mordred seemed to care.

"Planning on changing a bed?" Gwaine asked amused.

"Or perhaps to run up some clothes?" Mordred asked. He started to reach for the wheelbarrow and Merlin stepped back, shooting Gaius a worried look.

"I wouldn't touch that," Gaius advised. "Not unless you want to risk an attack of Red Thrush Fever."

"Red Thrush Fever?" Gwaine asked confused. "I don't believe I've ever heard of it."

"Then you are very fortunate indeed. More fortunate that the young man who just died in these very bedclothes. If you were to touch them, you could contract the ailment and the last thing Camelot needs is an outbreak of Red Thrush Fever, is it not?" Gaius asked. Merlin had to hide his smile. He forgot how easily Gaius could weave an incredibly believable lie. Red Thrush Fever. As if that existed.

"Yes of course. Sorry," Gwaine said nodding his head and stepping aside so Merlin and Gaius could pass.

"Gaius?" Gwaine asked when they were almost to the end of the corridor.

"Sire?" Gaius asked.

"What is the name of the unfortunate young man? I would like to send something to his family," Gwaine said.

Gaius frowned slightly. "Timothy," he said.

The second Mordred and Gwaine walked away, Merlin and Gaius let out a sigh of relief.

Merlin turned to Gaius. "Timothy?" He asked amused.

Gaius gave Merlin a look that said he wasn't amused. "We must keep moving," he warned. "Let's try to avoid the rest of the knights."

Merlin nodded gravely. They carefully travelled through the servants entrance and then they were out of the castle. They stayed on the outskirts of the village as long as possible.

When they finally got out of the gates, they just had to travel up a hill and they could see Arthur.

When they got up the hill, Arthur took Gwen and went to secure her to the horses.

"Good luck," Gaius told Merlin softly. Gaius squeezed his shoulder affectionately.

"Thanks," Merlin said gratefully. He could feel his nerves go into overdrive. He couldn't let himself think about what he was about to do. He still wasn't sure if he was strong enough.

"Oh, and Merlin?" Gaius said, turning around to face Merlin. "Be careful."

"You know me," Merlin said with a smile. "I always am."

"That's what concerns me," Gaius said. He turned around and headed back to the castle.

Merlin sighed as he watched Gaius go. He took a deep breath and forced himself to go to Arthur.

Arthur was already on his horse, holding Gwen to him tightly.

Merlin mounted his own horse and they were off. The trip lasted a little over two days. While the trip was long, it passed quickly. Neither Merlin nor Arthur talked much, both too preoccupied with Gwen's condition to focus on anything else.

Earlier than they had expected, they were standing before the rocky terrain that would lead them to the Cauldron.

Naturally, Arthur carried Gwen, leaving Merlin with all the heavy bags. Merlin huffed as he trailed behind Arthur. He would much rather carry Gwen, but no. Arthur wanted to carry her, because she is his wife. Excuses, excuses.

Merlin wished he could be angry with Arthur, but deep down, he understood. He understood Arthur's need to be in control. Merlin had felt the same way with Freya. The need to help those you care about can wipe out everything else.


	11. Chapter 11

"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked suspiciously. He knew Mordred couldn't be trusted. He was Arthur's bane after all.

"You don't have to do everything on your own, you know," Mordred said softly. He was looking right at Merlin. He tried to tell Merlin that they both wanted the same thing. They wanted to keep Arthur safe and not be judged by their abilities. He couldn't exactly say that out loud, but he tried to imply it. "You can trust me."

"I know that," Arthur said. "We were just trying to be discrete."

Merlin couldn't help but chuckle at the confused look Mordred shot towards Arthur. Mordred hadn't been a knight long enough to realize how egotistical Arthur can be. While Mordred had clearly been talking to Merlin, clearly been trying to earn Merlin's trust, Arthur was in his own world and assumed Mordred was talking to him.

"What's so funny Merlin?" Arthur asked.

"Nothing," Merlin quickly lied. He put down his bags and considered Mordred. He tried to make his decision.

Mordred was Arthur's bane. He was told this. He knew it to be true. That's why Merlin was trying to keep Mordred away from Arthur. Merlin was getting ready to prepare an argument for Arthur as to why Mordred shouldn't stay. He would play on Mordred's youth and his inexperience. He had to fulfill his destiny. He had to prevent the future.

Merlin felt his heart pound as he remembered a very different time when he thought exactly that. He sought to prevent the unthinkable future. The circumstances were entirely different and it was a long, long time ago. The only thing that was similar was that he tried to prevent the future. And in doing so, he caused it.

He as remembering when Arthur had gotten a dagger for Morgana. Merlin had been so relieved that it wasn't the dagger he had seen in the future that he had teased Arthur for not getting Morgana something prettier. While Merlin didn't realize it at the time, Arthur had taken his advice seriously. But instead of getting her a pretty dress or some jewelry, Arthur got her a prettier dagger. The same dagger Merlin had seen Morgana use to kill Uther in the vision.

Merlin slowly realized that it was his attempt at preventing the future occur that caused that exact future to occur.

If Merlin hadn't interfered, Morgana would have gotten that little dagger Arthur initially got her. She wouldn't have been standing over Uther's bed, ready to kill him when Merlin got there just in time.

Could that happen here? Could it be Merlin pushing Mordred away that caused Mordred to become the man that would kill Arthur.

Because, if truth be told, Merlin didn't see that in Mordred. He didn't see hatred for the king. All he saw was the legitimate need to be accepted. An acceptance that Merlin also longed for.

But at the same time, it was Mordred's destiny to kill Arthur. Destinies don't change. If it isn't Merlin's doing, something else will surely turn Mordred's allegiance. If Merlin sits around to do nothing, Mordred would just get closer to the king. It would give him more opportunity to harm Arthur.

It could also make it more difficult for him to kill Arthur. The closer they become, the more Mordred might come to think of Arthur as his friend. Mordred's destiny can't change, but that doesn't mean it had to be fulfilled.

Merlin had to withhold his sigh. How can such a grave decision be forced onto one person? He had to choose between life and death, but he didn't know which choice was which.

He wished that he could have help, could know for sure that interfering would more certainly cause the future. But he was the only one that has tampered with the future as far as he knows.

It took another moment to realize that wasn't true. He didn't think of this at first, because the outcome was one that he was pleased with. But now that he thought about it, he could remember with startling clarity the steps Morgana had taken to prevent a future she had seen.

She tried to prevent Gwen from becoming Queen. But it was her that planted the seed in both Arthur and Gwen that there was hope for them. If it weren't for her, Arthur and Gwen would never have gone on their secret – not so secret – outing. They may have never realized the full extent of their feelings for one another. They may have continued loving one another from afar.

Merlin truly believed this. He had never seen Arthur as desperate as when he thought Gwen was going to be burned at stake. It changed him. Arthur got a brief glimpse at a future without Gwen and decided he wanted nothing to do with it. That was the moment when he subconsciously realized he needed Gwen in his life. That was all thanks to Morgana. She had ensured that the future she had dreaded, happened.

It was with that knowledge in mind that Merlin made the most difficult decision since he came to Camelot.

Merlin took a deep breath. "I would be grateful for your help," he said to Mordred.


	12. Chapter 12

Merlin still wasn't sure if he made the right decision. Was it a good idea to encourage the bane of someone's existence to spend more time with said someone?

As Merlin watched them laugh and joke, he truly wasn't sure. But at least Mordred was right in front of him. He could protect Arthur from any direct attacks. He had proven that several times. It was the sneaky, behind everyone's back, put poison in their goblets type attacks that worried him. As he had learned with Gwen, he doesn't always quite figure that out in time.

But what Merlin was most worried about was that if he kept pushing Mordred away, he would push him over the ledge that would lead him straight to killing Arthur. In a weird way, Merlin was trying to prevent the future by not trying to prevent the future. Merlin shook his head. That was just a road too complicated to think about.

As they got closer to the Cauldron of Arianrhod, Merlin felt a knot of worry form in the pit of his stomach. It seemed the more he tried to ignore it, the more it twisted and turned, reminding him of his anxiety. He wasn't sure if he was so nervous because of Mordred's presence or because of the impossible task he was about to complete.

A few moments later, he got his answer. It was neither of them. Merlin had always been rather astute, contrary to popular belief. He could sense when they were heading straight into trouble. For whatever reason, he hadn't thought of anything other than their current mission. That was how he was completely blindsided when he heard a deafening roar and saw a mangled, white dragon fly into view. A dragon Merlin immediately recognized.

Instinctively, he opened his mouth, ready to use his dragon lord powers to send Aithusa away. It would be easy. Just like summoning Kilgharrah. It was in his nature to connect with the dragons. Aithusa would not be able to ignore his command.

"We need to get to safety!" Arthur's voice called, reminding Merlin of why he couldn't use his dragon lord powers right now. He immediately came back to reality and shot an anxious look towards Arthur. Arthur needed to get out of the way so Merlin could use his powers. If Merlin had to, he would use them in front of Arthur, but he would rather wait until after he fixed Gwen for the big reveal. Or later than that really. Perhaps when Arthur wasn't so hateful of magic. when he can see it as a good thing. Something that can be a help as well as a hindrance.

"Sire, don't worry about me. You need to go. Get to safety," Merlin called nervously. He didn't know if Arthur would listen to him, but he doubted it. Arthur doesn't listen to anyone.

Arthur turned to look at Merlin incredulously. "I'm not leaving you here alone! That thing will incinerate you!" Arthur protested. There was no way Arthur was going to be responsible for Merlin's demise.

"Arthur, you've got to protect Gwen. Get her to safety!" Merlin told him harshly. Why does Arthur have to choose now to be protective of Merlin? "Think about Gwen. Your wife. If something happens to her now, this was all for nothing. If something happens to her now, there's no going back. You will either have to be on your guard the rest of your life or incarcerate Gwen, which I know you won't do."

Arthur froze. He realized the truth in Merlin's words, but it was more than that. He was torn.

Arthur had assumed that he would never have to choose between Gwen and Merlin again. He had assumed that once Gwen was better, she would never put him in that position. After all, no one should make him choose between his best friend and his soul mate. But now, he was being forced to make a decision. Not by his possessed wife, and not by a direct force. He had to choose who he wanted to save.

The realization that this could potentially be a decision he will have to make again and again in the future shattered his resolution. It wasn't part of being king; it wasn't even part of being a knight. It was part of being a friend and a husband.

He had told Merlin he had chosen him, but that was when he knew Gwen wasn't Gwen. He had chosen Gwen over Merlin, but that was when he knew Merlin was safe. The idea of either of them being harmed caused Arthur unimaginable sorrow.

Because somewhere along the way, the two ordinary servants burrowed their way into his heart. They changed him with talks of destiny and potential to be a great king, and in Merlin's case, words like prat and dollophead. He had always thought he would be able to protect them.

But now, the two people he loved most were in danger. And he had no idea who to choose.


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur was pulled out of his reverie by the roar of a dragon. She sent a wave a fire over everything in her path. Arthur's eyes widened with fear as she got closer to him. He didn't have time to get out of the way. Even if he did, there was nowhere to hide.

Suddenly, something hard ran right into him. Arthur painfully fell to the ground, the only thing in his view was the endless rock before him.

There was a moment of overwhelming heat and then it was gone.

Arthur pushed the weight off of him and rolled over. Only part of him was surprised to see Merlin shielding him. He was grateful that Merlin had thought to dive under the danger of the flames. Merlin really was smarter than Arthur gave him credit for.

Merlin pushed off of Arthur slightly, stumbling to his feet. He looked at Arthur nervously. He was hoping with all his heart that Arthur didn't notice he just used magic to divert the fire so it wouldn't harm them. but what was the likelihood of that. Arthur was unobservant, but even he wasn't that stupid.

"Thank you for pulling me out of the way of the fire," Arthur said quietly. He very rarely showed gratitude towards Merlin, but sometimes Merlin truly astounded him.

Merlin held in his breath of relief. He had been wrong before. "You need to get Gwen to safety," Merlin warned him.

This time, Arthur listened. He gingerly lifted up Gwen and headed away from the dragon.

"He was right you know," a voice came from behind him. Merlin spun around, surprised to see Mordred. He had honestly forgotten about Mordred since he was trying to get Arthur out of the way. "Your magic can't protect you."

"I don't need my magic," Merlin said curtly. He turned back to Aithusa. "Nun de ge dei s'eikein kai emois epe'essin hepesthai!"

"What are you doing?" Mordred asked confused.

Merlin ignored him as Aithusa instantly stopped her attack. She landed in front of Merlin. Like always, Merlin was upset with the state of Aithusa. He knew why she was like this now and it pained him to picture her growing up in such a small prison. Growing up so she looked like this. "What did they do to you?" He asked even though he knew the answer.

He wasn't expecting an answer so he wasn't surprised when none came. He knew Aithusa couldn't talk. He made a mental note to ask Kilgharrah about that later.

Merlin sighed. "Leave," he ordered. "Do no more damage here!"

Aithusa growled slightly in her throat. It wasn't an angry growl, more of a grateful one. She knew Merlin didn't have to spare her, but he did.

As she flew away, something dawned on Merlin. He spun around. "Where's Morgana?" He asked as he looked around. He was certain she would be nearby. She doesn't go anywhere without Aithusa. Aithusa was the one creature Morgana was capable of loving.

"You're a Dragon Lord," Mordred whispered. "My people always thought they died out with the dragons…" Mordred paused as he considered Merlin's earlier words. "Did you say Morgana?"

Merlin nodded. "Aithusa wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her," he answered quietly. He was still scouring every inch of their surroundings, trying to find her. He knew there were a number of places she could be hidden in. "Let's keep moving."

They had barely walked a couple of steps before they were flying. And then they were crashing.

Merlin opened his eyes and groaned from pain. He wasn't sure what just happened. As his memories returned, he rolled onto his back and looked around. He forced himself into a sitting position. He was shocked to see Mordred and Morgana squaring off.

When Mordred saw Merlin was awake, he shot him a panicked look. Merlin wasn't sure if that was a plea for help or a warning to leave.

Taking into account the fact that Mordred seemed to be holding up pretty well on his own and that Arthur was wandering around somewhere with Gwen, Merlin took it to be the latter.

He quietly got to his feet and followed the path he remembered Arthur taking. It took all of his effort to maintain his balance on the rocky, uneven ground. The last thing he needs to do is fall down, most likely hurting himself and alerting Morgana to his presence.

When Merlin had gotten a reasonable distance away, he started looking for Arthur. "Arthur," he whispered. He was sure Arthur would be in a secure location with Gwen.

"Merlin?" A voice answered.

Merlin turned and was shocked to see Arthur was standing out in the open. Then Merlin looked past him and realized why Arthur wasn't seeking a hiding spot. Behind him was a great body of water. Merlin's eyes widened. They were here. They were at the Cauldron of Arianrhod. And it was time for Merlin to do the impossible.


	14. Chapter 14

"What happened?" Arthur asked Merlin anxiously.

"Morgana showed up," Merlin told him. "Mordred stayed behind so I could help you."

Arthur felt a brief spurt of sorrow. He had to hope Mordred would be okay. If anything happened to him, Arthur would blame himself.

"And the dragon?" Arthur asked.

Merlin hesitated. "Disappeared when Morgana showed up," Merlin lied.

Arthur sighed. He should have known. Morgana only sent in the beast as a distraction.

"So, where is this sorceress?" Arthur asked. He was looking around as if the sorceress would magically appear in thin air.

Merlin had to stop himself from chuckling from the irony. "I'll go find her," Merlin said, looking around to find his satchel.

"Which way do we go?" Arthur asked.

"My Lord, I need to go by myself. She rarely sees people. We don't want to scare her," Merlin pointed out.

Arthur sighed in defeat. Merlin located his satchel and clumsily pulled it over his shoulder. He watched Arthur's eyes zone in on his satchel.

"Merlin, what is that?" Arthur asked. He sounded both amused and confused.

Merlin looked down and had to suppress his groan. The dress he had brought was spilling out of his bag.

Was this some kind of karma for all the times that he had lied to Arthur about why he was stealing dresses from Morgana? That after all those times Arthur had joked saying that what Merlin did with his dresses was his own business, Merlin would actually be carrying around a dress he intended to wear.

"It's a dress for the sorceress," Merlin said quickly. "She likes to be paid… with clothing."

"Paid?" Arthur asked cluelessly. Merlin had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. He was glad Arthur was more confused about why she would want to be paid than the poorly made up lie about being paid in a very hastily made, ugly dress.

"Yeah, you don't expect her to do it for free, do you?" Merlin asked him, rolling his eyes.

Arthur, it seemed, was at a loss for words. Merlin took that as his cue to leave and start looking for a safe place to transform.

Merlin had to walk a long way before he found a dip in the ground. Following it, he found a place where he wouldn't risk detection. He

Arthur had been waiting for Merlin to return for several minutes when he heard footsteps coming in the opposite direction Merlin had left in. Half expecting it to be Morgana, Arthur slowly turned to see who was approaching.

He was pleasantly surprised to see Mordred approaching. "You're alright," Arthur said relieved Mordred was young. If anything had happened to him, Arthur would never have forgiven himself. When Mordred came close, Arthur clasped his arm. "I thought we might have lost you."

Mordred shrugged. "I'm a knight of the round table. I wasn't going anywhere. And Morgana left," he explained.

"How?" Arthur asked surprised.

"Morgana is powerful, but her own power makes her overconfident and careless. When she's careless, it's possible to get through to her. I just found her weak spot," Mordred explained with a shrug.

Arthur felt his respect for Mordred increase. Before Arthur had a chance to say anything, he saw Mordred's eyes widen and heard a soft cough from behind him.

Arthur spun around and it took all of his self-control to stay composed. There was an old woman standing before him. He knew who this was. It couldn't be anyone else. She was wearing the very dress that he had seen in Merlin's satchel. Arthur no longer questioned why a recluse would want to be paid in clothing.

The second Merlin approached them, he knew Mordred recognized him. At least that's what Merlin assumed. Considering Mordred looked like he was fighting the urge to laugh, it wasn't that unreasonable.

Merlin felt himself growing increasingly uncomfortable under Arthur's intense scrutiny.

"Do I know you?" Arthur asked after several minutes had passed. "You look familiar."

"Do I?" Merlin asked, touching his hair and face. He had to hope he had been thorough in his transformation, enough so that he didn't look like his old self.

Arthur suddenly looked past the sorceress, trying to locate his loyal manservant. He looked back at the sorceress, immediately recognizing the similarity in their eyes. His hand came to a rest on his hilt. "Where's Merlin. Where's my manservant?" Arthur asked in a threatening voice.

"Oh… The um… gangly boy?" Merlin asked, playing dumb. "Yes… hmmm…"

Merlin saw Mordred's face redden from fighting his urge to laugh.

Arthur unsheathed his sword. "What did you do to him?" Arthur asked.

"If you kill me, you will never see him again," Merlin said quietly. He almost shivered from the truth of his words. He wondered if he would turn back to his younger self or if he would look like an old lady forever. "I am an old woman. Is it not natural that I seek some surety? The boy will be returned to you once we have concluded our business."

"You know why we're here," Arthur said surprised.

"I am The Dolma!" Merlin said dramatically. "Nothing can be hidden from me. Now set her by the pool. I will wake her up."

Arthur sheathed his sword then followed The Dolma's ordered. He gingerly picked her up and placed her only a few feet from the water's edge.

Merlin walked over to Gwen. He knelt by her side and before he did anything, looked up at Arthur.

"Great King, the magic that ensnares your Queen is powerful indeed. It can be broken, but it may also prevail. Do you understand this?" Merlin asked him. He knew that he and Gaius had told Arthur this several times, but now that they were on the pool's edge, it was more real. He had to make sure Arthur wasn't reconsidering.

"I understand," Arthur said softly.

"Very well," Merlin said slightly relieved. "When I awaken Guinevere from her sleep, she must walk into the Cauldron of her own will. Only then will the spell be broken. But be warned. The magic that binds her will fight it. She will need help."

"How then can we succeed?" Arthur asked anxiously. His hopes were dropping. He was starting to think Gwen couldn't be helped.

"Reach her, Arthur. You must reach the part of your queen that still remains untouched by the evils of Morgana," Merlin advised.

"Is there such a part?" Arthur asked dejectedly.

"Morgana underestimates the power of love. The love you and the Queen share has been fortold for centuries. Nothing can completely eliminate that love," Merlin told him softly.

Merlin watched as the resolve strengthened in Arthur's eyes.

Merlin placed his hand over Gwen. "Gielde ic thec thissa meowlessawole, gyden aeblaece," Merlin said quietly.

Arthur watched as her eyes glowed gold. He looked down at Gwen. She showed obvious signs of waking up. This was it. Time to break the curse.


	15. Chapter 15

Arthur watched Gwen stir. For a moment, she was his Queen. Then he could literally see Morgana's powers crash back down on her. in that moment, Arthur knew the Dolma was right. Part of his wife did remain.

"Where am I? What have you done to me?" Gwen asked. She was terrified. She got up to her feet, trying to keep her distance from Arthur.

"You've been asleep for a long time," Arthur said gently, taking a step towards her.

"Get away from me!" Gwen screamed. She tried to run away, but Arthur caught her.

He held her arms to her side, hating to exert this kind of control over his wife. "Guinevere," Arthur said softly. "My Guinevere. Come back to me."

"Your Guinevere?" Gwen asked with a deranged laugh. "You stupid, foolish man. I was never yours and never will be."

Arthur winced. He hoped with all his heart that those words weren't true. He refused to loosen his grip on Gwen. He was afraid if he let go of her, this would be real. And he would truly lose his Queen.

"Don't listen to her words Arthur," Merlin said. He noticed the weakening in Arthur's spirit. "They are of Morgana, not her. You must reach her. Reach out or all his lost."

"Who is this old crone?" Gwen asked looking at the sorceress suspiciously.

Arthur ignored her question. "You loved me once," he said softly.

Gwen shook her head. "No, you are just easily fooled Arthur Pendragon," Gwen said.

"And you still do," Arthur said determinedly.

"It was a trick. Just a subterfuge to pass Camelot to its rightful Queen," Gwen said. "And you were nothing more than a pawn in that plan."

"I don't believe that," Arthur told her. And he honestly didn't.

"Believe what you will," Gwen said with a shrug. "The fact remains."

Arthur began to pull Gwen towards the pool.

Merlin paled. "No!" He shouted. "It must be of her own will!"

Arthur paused. He pulled Gwen close to him so they were face to face. "Guinevere, look at me. Tell me you don't love me," Arthur told her, searching her face.

"Let me go!" Gwen shouted, struggling in Arthur's grip.

"You remember when I asked you to marry me? Tell me what you said," Arthur said. He saw the confused look that crossed Gwen's face. She was doing it. She was fighting the magic. "You said with all my heart. That's what you said Guinevere. There was no subterfuge, no trickery." Gwen stopped fighting him. She was looking at him as if she were lost and broken. But Arthur couldn't help but feel joy. He's reached her. He started to slowly walk backwards. Gwen took a step towards him. Of her own free will. "With all my heart," Arthur repeated slowly. He repeated it over and over again as he walked backwards towards the water.

"With all my heart," Gwen whispered.

Arthur held out his hand and Gwen started to walk towards him. Arthur could see the effort it took for her to fight the magic.

As Gwen walked towards the water, Merlin mustered up all his strength. When she was far enough into the water, he pooled all of his energy into the spell.

Every fiber of magic in his being went into it. "Yfel gaest ga thu fram thisselichaman. Bith hire mod eft freo. Ar one heofunutungo sceal thurhswithan!" Merlin screamed.

With an effort he had never had to use on a spell before, Merlin concentrated on the success of the spell. For a moment, there was nothing but him and his magic.

Then suddenly, a white light completely surrounded Guinevere.

Merlin's relief when he heard Arthur's joyful cry as Gwen held her hand out to him was immeasurable. Arthur quickly closed the distance between him and Gwen and pulled Gwen into a hug.

He could see the love and happiness radiating off of Gwen. Merlin couldn't believe it. He did it. He succeeded. He was actually powerful enough to do this.

Merlin gave the couple their moment. He turned away and saw Mordred staring at him shocked.

"What is it?" Merlin asked. He looked behind him, half expecting a swarm of bandits from Mordred's expression.

When he saw nothing, he turned back to Mordred. Mordred opened and closed his mouth several times, never managing to find the words. Perhaps there were no words to find.

Was he shocked that Merlin was able to perform this ceremony? That he was powerful enough? That seemed unlikely, because Mordred had grown up hearing stories about Merlin's destiny. He knew what Merlin was capable of.

It wasn't until Arthur turned around, his arm still tightly around Gwen that Merlin realized something was wrong.

Arthur's joyful expression changed to shock in a heartbeat. Merlin was briefly worried he was going to go back on his word to spare him, but he dismissed that idea. Gwen was also looking at him, with a shocked and fearful expression. Merlin was confused.

He looked behind him again. Was he not seeing some scary monster behind him?

His answer came a moment later when Arthur finally found his voice. Merlin felt his heart clench with hear at the single word Arthur uttered. Well at least he knew there wasn't something behind him. "Merlin?" Arthur had gasped.


	16. Chapter 16

Merlin hoped with all his heart that he had misheard Arthur. He brought his hand up to his face. He knew when he felt the smooth skin of his face that he hadn't misheard. He had put too much into the spell to cleanse Gwen that he had let go of the magic that held up the illusion of him being an old woman.

Standing before Arthur, Merlin felt so vulnerable. He had known that one day he would have to reveal his magic to Arthur. the guilt already gnawed at Merlin whenever he thought about how he had the king's trust, but never gave that gift in return. Merlin just always thought that his powers would be revealed in the heat of battle when Merlin bravely saves Arthur's life… again. Something that would force Arthur to realize magic could be a help, not a hindrance.

Perhaps fixing Gwen would be enough to make Arthur realize that magic can be used for good. He was so happy to have the real Gwen back, right up to the point he realized it was Merlin that brought her back.

Merlin felt the world move in slow motion. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mordred subtly slip away. A small part of Merlin was grateful for a little bit of privacy. He knew Gwen wasn't going anywhere, but he didn't mind her presence. Only a small part of Merlin was thinking about that. For the most part, Merlin was focused on the fear knotting in his stomach and the angry expression on Arthur's face. There was more than just anger. There was betrayal.

Arthur's hand left Gwen's arm and rested on the hilt of his sword as he walked out of the water. Arthur stopped right on the edge of the water so he was as far from Merlin as possible. To Arthur, this was the deepest betrayal. The man he had come to care for had been harboring secret powers.

"You're a sorcerer," Arthur said quietly.

"Yes," Merlin agreed. He wasn't going to deny it. There was no point in that. He was standing before Arthur in the same dress the sorceress had been wearing. Even Merlin couldn't think up a convincing lie that quickly. His appearance was pretty damning.

"How could you?" Arthur screamed. "I trusted you! I thought you were my friend!"

"I am your friend," Merlin told him, trying to stay calm.

"No, you are my enemy," Arthur said harshly. "No friend of mine would study sorcery under my nose. No friend of mine would learn magic, knowing how I feel about it."

"I didn't learn magic Arthur!" Merlin shouted. He was trying very hard to control his out-of-control emotions. Trying and failing. "I was born like this. I could levitate objects before I could talk. I can no more go without magic than you could without your arm. It's part of me!"

"That's impossible!" Arthur protested.

"It's not! I'm telling you the truth!" Merlin told him.

"Why should I believe you?" Arthur asked harshly.

"Because you are the reason I have magic!" Merlin snapped. You could hear a pin drop. "You are my destiny. I have to protect you. that's why I have my powers."

"Like you could protect me," Arthur sneered. The anger and betrayal made his tone cold and hateful. "You are just my stupid, clumsy manservant. You know nothing of loyalty and friendship. Magic is evil."

"There is no evil in sorcery, only in the hearts of men," Merlin told him quietly.

"I disagree," Arthur said harshly.

Merlin saw red. He knew he shouldn't let Arthur get to him. Arthur was just angry. If he had time to calm down and think about what happened he probably wouldn't be this angry. But it was too late. Because now, Merlin was angry. Before Merlin could say anything, he heard a chuckle from his right. He turned and saw Morgana. she was holding a sword and was looking at Merlin and Arthur like they were her prey.

"This is just too perfect," Morgana said gleefully. "Merlin. A sorcerer."

"Don't get your hopes up Morgana," Merlin warned. "This doesn't change anything. I will not join you."

"How can you defend him? He had killed our kind!" Morgana yelled. She sounded completely outraged and deranged.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand love and loyalty," Merlin told her. "You will not harm him."

"You cannot stop me," Morgana taunted. "I am a high priestess of the old religion, and you? You are just a weak-minded sorcerer."

Merlin knew what she was going to do next. She didn't know his true identity. She didn't realize how dangerous it was for her to hurt Arthur. She was so driven by hate and madness.

Merlin knew she would want to end this. She would want to finally kill Arthur. She had learned from her mistakes. No more taunting and torture, because that would give Arthur the chance to escape. But Morgana forgot one thing. Her hatred made her predictable. And when Merlin saw the slight twitch of her hand that signified the silent magic she was weaving, he ran.

He got there just in time for her sword to embed itself in his stomach.


	17. Chapter 17

The pain Merlin felt was more intense than any Merlin had ever felt. He knew instantly that this was no ordinary blade. It was Aithusa's creation, forged under dragon's breath.

Merlin could feel the magic burning in his stomach. A constant reminded that there was no cure, there would be no recovery from the wound that plagued him.

Merlin processed that all in a matter of seconds. He knew he was going to die. But if it was going to happen, it was going to happen after he got a step closer to fulfilling his destiny. He was going to ensure Arthur was safe, at least as safe as he could be.

Slowly, Merlin forced himself to focus on his surroundings. He focused on Gwen's and Arthur's blurry faces that were just on the edge of his vision. He focused on the small of the salty water that was gently lapping at his hands. And he listened to Morgana's scream. The scream that reminded him he still had unfinished business.

He focused on all of this and fought the hazy pain.

He closed the sword out of his stomach and mentally cast the spell that would knit together most of his stomach so he wouldn't die yet. He still needed a little more time.

He didn't know how he was still conscious. It wasn't humane to be conscious and feel this much pain. Yet Merlin still fought through it. He had too. As long as Morgana was still here, Arthur wasn't safe.

Merlin took a deep, ragged breath before he turned his gaze to Morgana. "You made a mistake in coming here today. You underestimate the power of friendship and loyalty. You are so blinded by anger and hate. And that will be your downfall. It was dangerous for you to come here," Merlin told her slowly, making sure every syllable was pronounced and clear for her.

Arthur shivered. He had never seen Merlin so angry, never heard him sound so dangerous.

Arthur was startled by Morgana's laughter. "Dangerous? It is not dangerous for me," Morgana said. The confidence and amusement were palpable in her voice. She was not taking Merlin seriously.

Merlin looked up at her, his face free of emotion. No, that wasn't quite right. His face had emotion. He looked dangerous.

"There is someone that you seek. Someone who is your bane. Someone that is always there to combat your every move. Someone that constantly evades you. someone that had ensured you will fail. He took the blame for you when you framed Guinevere as a sorcerer. He was there to kill the fomorroh you used to try to force me to do your bidding. To try to kill Arthur. every step you take, he is one step ahead of you, ensuring you fail. Ensuring Arthur stays safe," Merlin told her. His voice was loud, clear, and deadly.

Arthur froze. He wasn't sure what part he should process first. The fact that Merlin had been bewitched by Morgana to try to kill him, or the fact that there was only one instance where Guinevere had been accused of sorcery and someone else had stepped forward to take the blame. The old sorcerer that had killed Arthur's father. Merlin knew him.

"How do you–" Morgana started to say, but abruptly cut herself off, her eyes widening with fear. "No." Her voice was almost a whisper.

"Yes," Merlin said. "All along, that's been me. I am Emrys."

Merlin didn't hesitate when he sent the sword flying back to Morgana.

Morgana was too shocked to react in time. She couldn't believe Merlin was Emrys. That he was the most powerful sorcerer in the world. That he was the one that had ruined her plans so many times.

As the blade pierced her chest, she realized that now, he was the one to kill her.

Merlin watched as the life drained from her eyes and her body crumpled to the ground. All he was aware of was the sorrow and the relief. Morgana was gone; she would never again be able to threaten Arthur. But Merlin was sad it had to end this way. He wished there was a way she could have been helped, but she was too consumed with greed and hate.

Merlin was faintly aware of someone calling out his name, but he didn't respond. He was ready to succumb to the darkness.

Someone wasn't having that though. Merlin was brought back to consciousness by a sharp stab of pain in his stomach. He opened his eyes, shocked to see Arthur's face hovering over him. Gwen was bandaging his stomach. Not that it would do any good. It wasn't the blood loss that would kill him.

"Don't you dare die on me," Arthur warned. Arthur had to make up some excuse for Merlin to stay alive, because the alternative was admitting he cared if a sorcerer, the very sorcerer who killed his father, lived. And he wasn't ready to think that yet. So Arthur settled for a different, yet believable excuse. "I have some questions for you. And you are not dying until you've answered them."


	18. Chapter 18

Merlin forced his eyes open. Arthur heard him mutter something under his breath and then Merlin's features visibly relaxed.

"What did you do?" Arthur asked nervously.

"I made the pan more bearable," Merlin told him. "I do owe you answers."

"Why do you not heal yourself?" Arthur asked him.

Merlin hung his head. He knew he couldn't save himself. He could only delay the inevitable. "That blade was forged under dragon's breath," Merlin explained. "I cannot heal the wounds it inflicted on me."

"There must be something," Arthur protested. "You're a sorcerer!"

"Magic cannot fix everything Sire," Merlin said. "I will die. Most likely within the next two days."

Arthur stared at Merlin shocked. How was Merlin able to speak so calmly about his death? How was he able to accept it like that? Arthur knew he frequently underestimated Merlin's bravery, but this reached a new level.

Taking a deep breath, Arthur stood up, leaving Merlin completely confused.

Merlin watched as Arthur pulled Gwen far enough away that Merlin couldn't hear what they were saying, but he could see that whatever it was, was greatly upsetting Gwen. Merlin stopped spying on them when he heard footsteps. He turned his head and saw Mordred approaching.

"What happened?" Mordred cried. To Merlin's surprise, he looked legitimately worried. "Did… did Arthur do this to you? Because of your magic?" Merlin saw the rage in Mordred's eyes and it scared him.

Was this the moment. Was this what would push Mordred to his breaking point. Would Mordred see this as proof that Arthur would never accept magic? Could Merlin even get through to Mordred and make him listen?

Merlin didn't know the answer to that question, but he knew he had to try. "Mordred," Merlin said quietly.

Mordred wasn't listening. "I thought he was different. I thought he cared about you. Yet he tried to kill you. Because of what you are," Mordred said angrily. Merlin could understand Mordred's anger. He and Mordred were alike in so many ways. They both had to hide who they were.

"Mordred," Merlin said again, slightly louder.

"Does he not realize anything you've done for him?" Mordred asked. "I don't even know everything and I still know how lucky he is to have you as a friend. You deserve more respect than any of his cowardly knights."

"Mordred!" Merlin shouted. He didn't know how to break through to Mordred before he said something he truly regretted.

However, Mordred continued to ignore him. "I really thought he was different. I mean, I didn't expect him to welcome you like a hero, but I expected him to be open minded. I never imagined he would do this," Mordred ranted, motioning to Merlin's wound.

"Is that what you think?" A quiet voice asked.

Merlin groaned as he turned over to face Arthur. Why couldn't everyone just approach him on the same side? It would really save him a whole lot of pain and turning about.

Mordred drew his sword and Arthur mimicked the action. Before either of them had a chance to do anything stupid, Merlin cast a simple spell and Mordred was dangling around upside down. Merlin would be lying if he said he wasn't the tiniest bit amused at the sight of Mordred slashing at thin air.

Merlin knew better than to levitate Arthur. He didn't have a death wish.

"Okay," Merlin said weakly. He wasn't entirely surprised by how tired he felt. He had been pushing off his fatigue and choosing instead, to focus on everything before him. "You idiots are going to listen to me before you do something you regret."

Merlin glared at them. He knew there couldn't have been much behind his glare. Even though he couldn't mentally feel the extent of his pain, it was still taking its toll on his body. When neither of them protested, Merlin turned to Mordred.

"These wounds weren't Arthur's creation," Merlin said with a sigh. "He probably wishes he had killed me, but these weren't his doing. They were Morgana's." Merlin motioned to where Morgana's body was lying on the ground.

"How?" Mordred asked.

"She tried to kill Arthur," Merlin explained with a shrug.

"Of course," Mordred said. Arthur was surprised at how that was enough of an explanation for Mordred. Was it that normal for Merlin to be ready to sacrifice his own life for him? "Will you let me down now?"

Slowly, Merlin let him back down. Mordred turned to Arthur. "I'm sorry My Lord. My actions were inexcusable," Mordred said apologetically.

Arthur shook his head. "Not inexcusable," he said. "But I do know how you can make it up to me."

"Yes My Lord?" Mordred asked.

Arthur glanced at Merlin. "I'm going to stay here for another day or two. I need you to escort Queen Guinevere back to Camelot," Arthur requested.

"I'll see to it that she gets back safely," Mordred promised.

Arthur walked away, no doubt to say his goodbyes to Gwen, leaving Mordred and Merlin alone.


	19. Chapter 19

"You couldn't just let things like fate and destiny, get in the way, could you," Mordred asked. Merlin knew Mordred didn't mean his words.

Yet Merlin still hesitated before he responded. "It was not Morgana's destiny to kill Arthur," Merlin said quietly. Merlin wasn't sure if Mordred was aware of his destiny. "That destiny lies with another."

"Who?" Mordred asked quietly. Merlin didn't answer, instead he tried to figure out how to tell Mordred. As it turns out, he didn't have to. "It's me isn't it?" Mordred had noticeably paled. "When I was younger, my people told me I wasn't ready to know of my destiny. They told me when I was older, I would understand. I left before I ever learned of my destiny."

Merlin nodded in confirmation. "That's why I keep trying to keep you away from him," Merlin admitted.

"And here I was thinking it was some grudge you've held against me since I was a kid," Mordred muttered under his breath. "I promise you I'll never harm Arthur. I will leave. If I'm not with him, I cannot fulfill my destiny."

"My only wish is that no harm will come to him," Merlin told him honestly. "You don't have to leave."

"I do. It's the only way," Mordred whispered. Mordred dejectedly turned his head away. Merlin looked at him sympathetically. Merlin knew from experience how heavily destiny could weigh down on someone.

"Mordred," Arthur said as he approached them with Gwen. Mordred looked at Arthur expectantly. Arthur split up the bags, leaving a majority for Mordred and Gwen to take. He only kept the essentials for himself. "Please keep her safe."

"I will, Sire," Mordred promised. He started to walk away then stopped. "Oh Sire?" Mordred waited until Arthur was facing him. "Merlin really is a good man."

Arthur didn't say anything. He turned to Gwen and lightly kissed her cheek. "We'll be together soon," he promised her.

Gwen started to follow Mordred.

"Goodbye Gwen," Merlin told her quietly.

Gwen hesitated before she turned around and knelt by Merlin's side. She kissed Merlin's forehead gently.

"Goodbye Merlin," she said quietly. She squeezed his hand, trying to fight the tears she knew had filled up her eyes. "I need you to know. I don't know the extent of your actions, but I know you would never do anything to hurt Arthur. Eventually he'll realize that too."

"That may be true," Merlin agreed quietly. "But I don't think I'll live to see that day."

"Oh Merlin, don't say that," Gwen pleaded. "You'll be fine."

"Of course," Merlin said. His words sounded fake, even to him.

Gwen shot a glance towards Arthur. "He'll come around," Gwen promised. "Just give him time and give him answers. He'll realize how much he needs you. You're his best friend."

"He doesn't need me. He has you," Merlin pointed out.

"I'm his wife Merlin, but there are things I cannot do for him. things that only you can help him with," Gwen pointed out. "He seeks your council above all others."

"Well he did, until he found out I was a sorcerer," Merlin said dejectedly.

"Just give it time," Gwen told him softly. She stood up.

"I don't have time," Merlin whispered quietly, so quietly, he was pretty sure Gwen couldn't hear him.

When Gwen turned back to wave goodbye, Merlin mustered up a weak smile.

Arthur watched Gwen and Mordred disappear down the rocky path. Once she was out of sight, Arthur turned to Merlin. "Time to talk," he said quietly.

It wasn't a question, but Merlin responded anyway. "Time to talk," he agreed.

Merlin waited a few minutes for Arthur to ask a question, but it never came. "What do you want to know?" Merlin asked him curiously. He couldn't help but ask. The silence was making him nervous.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Arthur asked. He tried to sound calm, but there was unmistakable anger in his voice.

"You would have killed me," Merlin said.

"I don't know what I would have done," Arthur reluctantly admitted. The more he thought about it, the more he realized the truth in his words. He had long ago started to regard Merlin as a friend. Merlin being a sorcerer shattered that friendship, but Arthur still couldn't imagine killing him. on the other hand, Arthur had been raised on stories of the evil of sorcery. He had no idea whether or not he would have chosen his duty as king or Merlin.

It was always a choice with Merlin. Merlin or Gwen, Merlin or duty. Why is it always a choice?

"And I wasn't going to put you in that position," Merlin said stubbornly.

Arthur sighed. He wanted to be mad at Merlin so, so badly. And part of him hated Merlin for his magic. But another part understood. Arthur had never given Merlin reason to believe he could be trusted with this information. Arthur always preached the evils of magic. Of course Merlin never came out and said he was a sorcerer. And yet another part of Arthur was angry with himself. So many times, it was right in front of his face and he passed it off as a coincidence.

But Arthur was more angry at Merlin than he was understanding, so he wasn't about to tell Merlin all that.

When Arthur didn't say anything, Merlin spoke again. "You are my destiny. I have to protect you. It's been my destiny since the day I met you," Merlin explained.

"I tried to take your head off with a mace," Arthur remembered.

"And I stopped you using magic," Merlin told him.

Arthur felt his eyes widened. "You cheated!" He accused.

"You would have killed me," Merlin pointed out.

"I should have," Arthur said harshly.

"Then why don't you?" Merlin challenged. "I'm not going anywhere. Why not just end it?"

Arthur looked at Merlin and knew he would never be able to do that. Despite what Merlin was, he would never be able to bring himself to kill him. "Because I need answers," Arthur told him. He wondered if he kept using that excuse if it would become more believable.


	20. Chapter 20

A long moment passed before either of them spoke. "Why did you kill my father?" Arthur asked, staring at the rocky terrain.

To Arthur's shock, Merlin looked like the world was crashing down around him. When he spoke, he had a far off look in his eyes. "You probably won't believe this, but I didn't." Merlin said quietly. Arthur resisted the urge to snort. Merlin was right. Arthur didn't believe it. "Agravaine killed him. Or rather Morgana did, through Agravaine. She enchanted an amulet and Agravaine put it around Uther's neck. It reversed the effects of my spell and amplified it. Uther didn't stand a chance. I didn't know, I swear I didn't. Gaius found the amulet and immediately recognized what it was. I'm so, so sorry Arthur. I was so stupid. I should have known Morgana wouldn't just let Uther live. I should have been more careful. If I had checked to make sure it was safe to perform the spell, your father might still be here."

Arthur felt his heart break as he watched Merlin break down. That kind of emotion couldn't be faked. It was clear Merlin truly regretted what happened. Yet, Arthur did nothing to comfort or console him.

He did truly consider Merlin's words. He hated that they made so much sense. They made it impossible for Arthur to doubt Merlin. It just all fit together.

Merlin stayed outside all night while Arthur said his goodbyes to Uther. When Arthur had emerged, Merlin had looked almost as upset as Arthur.

And then there was Agravaine who had betrayed Arthur. Just a few months after his father's death, he found out Agravaine was working with Morgana to plot against the crown.

Then there was Morgana herself. Who Arthur knew held a grudge against Uther. Who would have done anything to see Uther dead.

And finally, there was Gaius. Gaius always insisted that the sorcerer truly had Uther's best interests at heart. Gaius who had constantly defended the sorcerer. Who had known the true identity of the sorcerer, known how much this was hurting him.

Arthur couldn't believe it, yet he did. He believed Merlin.

Another long silence stretched before them. Merlin hesitantly broke it. "Arthur," he started. "You can't stay here all night. You have to get down the mountain. Preferably towards the trees. One of the paths will lead you straight to the forest.

"Why not you as well? Why only me?" Arthur asked surprised.

"I don't have the strength to walk," Merlin explained. An unspoken 'and I didn't think you would want to help me,' was implied in the silence.

Wordlessly, Arthur helped Merlin to his feet and supported most of his weight.

"What are you doing?" Merlin asked confused.

"I still have more questions," Arthur told him. "I'm not wasting time travelling up and down this damn mountain."

Merlin knew what Arthur meant. Arthur didn't know how much longer Merlin had. Merlin wasn't so sure about that either.

"Which way?" Arthur asked. There were multiple paths down the mountain. The question was which one let out closest to the forest.

Merlin concentrated and his eyes flashed fold. "That one," he said pointing to a narrow path.

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked him. It would be just their luck to end up on the other side of the mountain.

Merlin nodded. "I followed the paths down," he admitted. "Looked at the path ahead."

"So you're not a complete idiot. That's another lie," Arthur said as they made their way down the mountain. Arthur was huffing from the effort it took to carry the bags and support Merlin's weight.

"All part of the act," Merlin agreed grimly.

They were silent the rest of the way down the mountain.

Suddenly just as they passed the base of the mountain, Merlin pushed Arthur away. With what looked like tremendous effort, he stood up tall on his own.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked incredulously.

Merlin shot him a warning glance that told him to be quiet. The warning came just in time for two men to approach them.

The two men's eyes widened when they saw Merlin. Too late, Merlin realized how strange he must look. He was still dressed like a woman and he had a deep bloodstain trailing the hastily made bandages on his stomach.

"This is a strange land for two men to be travelling down with no horses and the barest of supplies," one man remarked.

"What business do you have here?" The other man asked.

"Just passing through," Merlin told them cheerfully. Arthur felt his cloak tighten around him of his own accord. It hid his fancy sword and the crest of Camelot.

"All the way out here?" The second man asked. "This is a mighty dangerous place. There are dangerous animals, and… bandits."

"We have nothing to offer such people," Merlin explained with a shrug. Arthur could see the sheen of sweat beading on Merlin's forehead from the effort it took to stand up straight.

"Then what's in the bags?" The man asked.

"Nothing of importance," Merlin said. he gritted his teeth. It was becoming more difficult to stand on his own and not waver.

The first man, whom neither Arthur nor Merlin had realized was missing, suddenly pulled off Arthur's cloak. "You certainly look like you've got something of value," he said, his eyes on the knight's crest.

Before Arthur had a chance to do anything, both men were flying backwards. They crumpled to the ground, clearly alive, but unconscious. Arthur looked up to see Merlin swaying dangerously.

Arthur rushed to Merlin's side. Merlin eagerly welcomed his help and breathed a sigh of relief. "We have to keep going," Merlin said. "There could be more."

"You've done this before," Arthur accused.

"You constantly put yourself in danger," Merlin retorted.

Arthur didn't know what to say to that. It was difficult to imagine that magic had been used to help him. That it wasn't inherently evil. Arthur sighed. He wasn't sure he was ready to change his beliefs. But something told him he wasn't going to have a choice.


	21. Chapter 21

They continued in silence until they found an area in the woods large enough to fit two men and a campfire.

Arthur put Merlin down so he was resting against a tree and placed the bags right next to him.

Arthur went off a little ways to find some dry wood for the fire.

While Arthur was gone, Merlin forced himself to look through the bags Arthur had chosen to keep, to locate the cooking pot. Finding it, Merlin took that, a small bowl and a couple of spoons. Merlin put some dirt in the bottom of the pot. "Greot gecuman leccan. Gecuman gedrye waeter," Merlin whispered.

In seconds, the dirt had transformed into the clear water that now filled the pot. Merlin looked around. He was able to locate several plants and herbs, but knew he didn't have the strength to get up and collect them. Mentally, he summoned them. They zoomed towards him and came to rest in a little pile to his left.

Merlin got to work, crushing and cutting and dicing. He added them to the water in the pot and began mixing them into a stew.

Just in time, Arthur came back with the branches. He set them up in front of Merlin.

Merlin leaned forward and set to work trying to light the fire.

"Why don't you just use magic?" Arthur asked after he watched Merlin struggle with the fire. Arthur had seen the extent of Merlin's powers. He knew this had to be within his abilities.

"Force of habit," Merlin said. He hesitated then with a flash of gold, a fire flared up, engulfing both of them in flickering light and warmth.

With another flash of gold, Merlin sent the pot to hover magically over the fire so the stew could cook.

It was only a couple of minutes before Merlin poured the contents into a bowl. Instead of taking it for himself like Arthur had expected, Merlin sent the stew over to Arthur.

"Why are you doing this?" Arthur asked, motioning to his meal.

"Whether you want to believe this or not, you are my friend. I care about what happens to you and you need to keep your strength up," Merlin told him.

"What about you?" Arthur asked.

"It won't do me any good," Merlin told him.

Arthur studied Merlin for a moment. He was pale. Paler than Arthur had ever seen him. Paler even then when the dorocha had gotten to him.

"You need to keep your strength up to," Arthur said. he intently stared at a tree across from him to avoid Merlin gaze.

"There's no need for that. I'd rather know that you have enough," Merlin told him. "Eat it and sleep."

Arthur wanted to protest, but he knew how stubborn Merlin could be. Clearly being a sorcerer didn't change that. Arthur obediently ate. He watched as Merlin's eyelids shuttered, briefly closing before they snapped open. "Don't you dare fall asleep on me," Arthur warned.

"I won't, Sire," Merlin promised. "I'll have forever to sleep. I can make it one more night."

Despite Merlin's promise, Arthur couldn't sleep. Every couple of minutes he checked for the rise and fall of Merlin's chest and the occasional deep, ragged breaths he took.

Staying up all night gave Arthur far, far too much time to think about everything.

He thought about everything Merlin had done for him. He thought about where he would be without Merlin. And most importantly, he thought about why he cared that Merlin stayed alive. He couldn't lie to himself any longer. It wasn't about the answers he so desperately craved.

It was in the safety of the darkness with the comfort of the flickering fire that Arthur let himself realize the truth.

He was able to realize how often things had gone right when they should have gone disastrously wrong. It happened so often that he couldn't understand how he thought so many happy coincidences could happen.

Arthur wondered if he would even be considering this if Merlin hadn't saved him from Morgana. Probably not, Arthur realized grimly. Arthur probably would have banished Merlin from Camelot.

Merlin's actions had forced Arthur into a decision by taking away his time for thought. It took away the time he would ordinarily have had to really think about Merlin's powers and question him extensively. It made him think about what his life would be like without Merlin.

The more Arthur thought about it, the more ashamed he was of himself. Merlin was dying because of Arthur and how does Arthur repay him? By treating him like a parasite.

Merlin didn't deserve that. Arthur just had to look at all the times Merlin had saved him, to know that. Times that Arthur had accused Merlin of being cowardly or hiding behind trees or just being mysteriously absent when Arthur needed him and then appearing at the most inconvenient times. Right after all the trouble was gone. Arthur was starting to realize the trouble was gone because of Merlin.

Arthur sighed. He didn't know who he was trying to fool, but he wasn't going to deny it anymore. Merlin was good. It took Merlin being fatally wounded for Arthur to realize it, but Merlin was Arthur's friend no matter what he was.


	22. Chapter 22

Arthur slowly let himself accept Merlin. He forced himself to reject everything he had ever been told about the evils of magic. he forced his knowledge of Merlin's goodness and his loyalty to override it all.

He slowly forgave Merlin of his sorcery.

When morning came, Arthur felt like a different person. If Merlin noticed the change, he didn't say anything. Instead he focused on magically preparing breakfast.

When Merlin had finished, he gave all of the food to Arthur. Arthur looked down at his food guiltily.

He glanced up at Merlin. There was one more question he needed answered. "You do so much," Arthur said slowly. "Yet you never ask for recognition. You never ask to be rewarded. You could have all the power and riches in the world, yet you never took ?"

"That's not why I do it," Merlin said quietly. "I do it to protect you. I don't care for power or riches. That holds no meaning to me."

Arthur took a deep breath before he stood up and walked over to Merlin.

"You're going to eat this," Arthur ordered. "You're not going to die."

"Why not?" Merlin asked.

"Because you are my friend and I care about you," Arthur said seriously. "Everything you have done, I now know. For me, for Camelot, for the land you helped me build. I recognize the impact you have had. I couldn't have gotten here without you."

"You have Gwen," Merlin pointed out.

"I do," Arthur agreed. "And I love Gwen. She had helped me more than I can explain with words. I can't imagine my life without her. She is an endless source of comfort and compassion. She knows how to use words to tell me I'm being an idiot, but she doesn't always know how to reach me. If I'm acting like a prat, you come right out and tell me. You shock me into realizing that I'm being a prat. Gwen is far too respectful to do that. I love Gwen, more than words can describe, but I need my best friend as well."

"There's nothing I can do Arthur," Merlin said quietly.

Arthur studied Merlin intently. "You keep saying that," Arthur agreed. "But I know you know something. You keep saying there is nothing you can do, not that there is nothing that can be done." Merlin stared at him shocked. "So please, whatever it is, whoever you need… Just make sure it happens."

Merlin hesitated. "I don't know if there is a way," he said honestly. "But if there is, there is only one creature who would know of it."

"Who is it? How do we find them?" Arthur asked eagerly.

Merlin didn't answer. Instead a troubled look came over his face. He took a deep breath. "O drakons, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes," Merlin said in a deep voice.

"What did you do?" Arthur asked him curiously.

"I summoned the dragon," Merlin admitted. He was regarding Arthur cautiously.

"You… summoned a dragon?" Arthur asked uncertainly.

"I am the last Dragon Lord," Merlin explained quietly.

"You… last… dragon… but… why… Dragon Lord?" Arthur sputtered. Arthur took a moment to compose his thoughts before he really looked like an idiot. "If you are the last Dragon Lord, then why did we hunt down that man… oh, what was his name?"

"Balinor," Merlin said quietly, his features twisting with sorrow. "He was the last Dragon Lord. Dragon Lord powers are passed down from father to son."

"But that means…" Arthur trailed off.

Merlin nodded. "Balinor was my father," Merlin said softly.

Arthur stared at Merlin shocked. All those years ago, Merlin had lost his father and had had to pretend that nothing had happened. He had to continue pretending that they had only lost someone that could help Camelot, not someone who was his father.

Arthur couldn't imagine how difficult that would have been for Merlin. "I'm sorry," Arthur said sincerely. And he meant it. Merlin had been there for him with loyalty and support when Uther had died. Arthur had only been there with insults and teasing for Merlin. Merlin had gone through it all alone.

Merlin didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Both of them knew they couldn't change the past.

A few moments later, Arthur looked up when he heard the loud flapping of wings. He was shocked when instead of seeing the frail white dragon, he saw the giant dragon. The dragon Merlin had insisted he had killed. Arthur could add that to the list of things that Merlin had conveniently done for him.

"I would not have called you if it were not necessary," Merlin said to the dragon.

"Young warlock, you know as well as I that your wounds cannot be healed easily," the dragon said in a sad voice.

"Not easily. But that means it is possible," Arthur said. He looked up at the dragon hopefully.

"Anything is possible," the dragon said with a soft chuckle.


	23. Chapter 23

"What can we do?" Arthur asked eagerly.

"Are you sure you want to save him? He is a creature of the old religion. his very essence is something that you have spent your lifetime fighting," Kilgharrah told him evenly.

"I would do anything. I can't lose him. He's my friend," Arthur told Kilgharrah sincerely.

Kilgharrah studied Arthur intently. "What do you know?" Merlin asked Kilgharrah suspiciously. He didn't like the way Kilgharrah was regarding Arthur. "You know the nature of my wounds. How can I be treated?"

"You can go to the Isle of the Blessed. There, you will find the cup of life," Kilgharrah said.

"No," Merlin said angrily. "How can you even suggest that? It's my destiny to…"

"You have already fulfilled your destiny," Kilgharrah interrupted. "It is not yet your time to leave this world."

"Back to the Isle of the Blessed," Arthur said. "That will save him? Can you take us there?"

"No!" Merlin roared, glaring at Kilgharrah. "You will not take us there. I will not risk it!"

Arthur expected Kilgharrah to ignored Merlin. After all, he is a great, mighty dragon and Merlin is just a small human. So, Arthur was shocked when Kilgharrah bowed his head to Merlin. "I cannot disobey your will," Kilgharrah said. "Merlin, don't do this. You are giving up your only chance for life."

"Then so be it," Merlin said harshly. "I know what the consequences would be. I will not let that future unfold."

"What is going on?" Arthur asked. Merlin could hear the frustration in his voice. "Why won't you let him heal you."

"I will not let you anywhere near that place," Merlin told him.

"What's wrong with 'that place'?" Arthur asked confused.

Merlin stared at Kilgharrah, pointedly avoiding eye contact with Arthur. "The last time I went to the Isle of the Blessed, it was after you were bit by the Questing Beast. I got water from the cup of life to heal you," Merlin explained.

"But it worked!" Arthur exclaimed. "I'm standing here today. I don't understand why you won't do this!"

"Because I was willing to pay the price!" Merlin shouted, finally turning his head to look at Arthur. He took a deep breath to calm himself. "To give a life, you must take a life. The balance of the universe must be restored. I will not let you make that sacrifice for me!"

"It's not your choice!" Arthur snapped. "My life, my choice. And you survived. Surely there is a way."

Merlin shook his head. "When I went there, Nimueh was there. The life she traded for yours was my mother's. I couldn't let her die. I went back, but Gaius got there before me. He was trading his life, but I couldn't let him die. This was my responsibility. And it was all a rather long story. But I ended up killing Nimueh. A life was taken. The balance of the universe was restored," Merlin explained. He turned his head so he was looking at Kilgharrah. "If that is the only way to heal me, then I accept my death."

Kilgharrah roared. With a single swipe, he gathered both Merlin and Arthur in his claws. Merlin cried out with pain, not from Kilgharrah's grip but from his wounds.

Kilgharrah flew up to the rocky terrain. He deposited Arthur on the edge of the water then flew up high. When he was no more than a speck in the sky, Kilgharrah dove back down to Earth, right into the water.

For a moment, nothing happened. But then the water started to bubble. A single ray of bright white light touched the water. Then another appeared and another.

As suddenly as they had appeared, they disappeared. The moment the last bubble faded, Kilgharrah burst from the water.

Arthur could just make out the pale figure that clung to his back.

Kilgharrah flew towards Arthur and clumsily landed. Kilgharrah looked different. The scales on his back were faded like paper that had been left out in the sun. He looked so weak, so tired.

When Merlin stumbled off Kilgharrah's back, Arthur rushed over to him. He pulled off his cloak and offered it to Merlin. Merlin took it gratefully, fastening it so it covered his nudity.

Merlin turned to Kilgharrah. "Thank you old friend," he said softly. Merlin looked like he was fighting tears. "You didn't need to do that."

"There was precious little left for me in this world," Kilgharrah told him. "It was not your time to leave this world. You are too young, whereas I was old. My time was coming soon. And you are still destined to do great things."

"What did he do?" Arthur asked.

"He gave me the remainder of his life," Merlin explained. "When we were in the water, I don't know how to explain it. Dragon's breath is a very powerful thing. He breathed in the water and somehow summoned the white goddess. I can't explain further than that, because I don't understand it myself. But in saving me, he forfeit his own life. To give a life, you must take a life. " Merlin rested his hand on Kilgharrah's head. He muttered something under his breath. "Go. Go to the land of your ancestors. I will give you this last gift."

"Thank you… old friend," Kilgharrah said. He pushed himself onto his hind legs then spread his legs, ready to take off. Merlin couldn't help the small grin that appeared on his face. Kilgharrah rarely called him friend. It meant a lot that he said that in his last moments.

Arthur watched Kilgharrah leave. "Where is he going?" Arthur asked curiously.

"To the birthplace of the dragons," Merlin told him quietly, watching the speck that was disappearing in the distance. "He's going to rest with his ancestors."


	24. Chapter 24

"He's dying," Arthur said quietly. Yesterday, he would have laughed in your face if you suggested he would feel sorrow over a dying dragon, yet here he was. He was mourning the dragon that died so Merlin could live. "So, he died to give you life." it wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Yes," Merlin confirmed.

"And you're okay. The wound is gone," Arthur confirmed.

"Yes," Merlin repeated, a small smile playing on his lips.

"And you're not going to die. You're okay," Arthur said.

"Yes," Merlin repeated again, his small grin now a full blown smile.

Arthur returned the smile and briefly embraced Merlin. This was real. His best friend was okay.

When Arthur stepped back, he regarded Merlin carefully. "Tell me more about your magic," he requested.

Merlin squirmed uncomfortably. "What do you want to know?" He asked.

"Everything," Arthur said sincerely. "I was able to see more clearly all the stuff you did, right in front of my face. But I have no idea about the stuff like what you did with the Questing Beast."

Merlin sighed. "I don't know how much of that stuff I did. I've honestly lost count," Merlin told him honestly. "You wouldn't believe how many times you nearly died after I came to Camelot. My first week in Camelot you were nearly killed. I don't know how you survived without me."

Arthur chuckled. "It can't have been that bad," he protested. Then something in Merlin's words dawned on me. Merlin was right. Just days after he came to Camelot, he saved Arthur's life, landing him a position as Arthur's manservant. But why did he do it? "When the witch threw the dagger at me. Why did you save me?"

"Um…" Merlin said looking at him confused. "Should I have let her kill you? Because believe me, that would have made my life much easier."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "No. I mean I'm grateful that you did it, but why did you do it?" He asked curiously. "You and I, we didn't exactly get on. I had you locked in the dungeon your first day here. Yet you pulled me out of the way of that dagger. No one would have known if you had let it happen. No one would have turned to you and accused you of deliberately not saving me. So why did you do it?"

Merlin was quiet for a long time. "I've thought about this so many times," he said quietly. "I've asked myself why I didn't just let it happen. Particularly after my first few days as your manservant. I tried to convince myself that it was just because if you had been killed by a witch, magic would never have been brought back to Camelot. And then I tried to convince myself it was because it was my destiny. But I could only lie to myself for so long. You were a human being. It didn't matter that you were a prince and a prat. You were human. And no one deserves to die like that. And even then, I had this sense of duty to you. Duty that extended beyond destiny. I can't explain it. I just knew I had to save you. I think part of me knew that one day, maybe you wouldn't be such a prat."

Arthur was quiet throughout Merlin's explanation. He sort of understood. From the first day he met Merlin, he knew there was something different about him. They hadn't particularly gotten along, but there was something that drew them together. Something bigger than the two of them.

Smiling slight, Arthur turned to Merlin. "Let's go home," he suggested.

Merlin turned to Arthur with a strange look on his face. "Where's home?" Merlin asked quietly.

"Camelot," Arthur said determinedly.

"Arthur, I'm a sorcerer. Magic is outlawed," Merlin pointed out.

"Merlin, I'm king. I make the laws," Arthur told him, rolling his eyes.

Merlin's jaw dropped. "Really?" Merlin asked.

"Yes," Arthur said.

"The council is not going to agree to that," Merlin said grimly.

"It's my kingdom, my decision," Arthur told him.

"Are you sure?" Merlin asked uncertainly. "Your people aren't going to be happy about this either."

"Everything I said before, I meant," Arthur told him. "I appreciate everything you've done. I don't want you to break the law every time you come to the aid of Camelot.." Arthur paused as a new thought occurred to him. "And I think Gwen might make me sleep in different chambers for the rest of my life if I don't."

Merlin chuckled, rolling his eyes. Part of him knew Arthur was being serious. Gwen was a force to be reckoned with when she was angry.

Merlin looked up at Arthur, hope still surging in his eyes. Arthur was going to make magic legal. Merlin wasn't going to be an outcast. It was with that in mind that Merlin procured his next words. "Let's go home."


	25. Epilogue

Merlin stirred slightly. He felt like something heavy was weighing down his chest. He pushed away the sensation, eager to get more sleep. The something heavy was not having that though.

Merlin reluctantly opened his eyes and was met with all too familiar blue eyes and the messy blonde hair. Merlin groaned.

"It's too early for this," he grumbled. He knew his voice was lacking anger.

"Uncle Melin! Uncle Melin! Daddy says he needs something from you," Bran said, giggling manically.

"And he sent you to wake me up, did he?" Merlin asked amused. He knew that wasn't the case. Arthur never would send his son to wake up Merlin. Arthur reserved that pleasure for himself.

Bran frowned slightly. "Well… maybe not," he admitted. "But I was about to knock on mommy and daddy's doow and they mentioned youw name. I figuwed daddy must want you, because he called you his idiot mansewvant, not by youw name."

Merlin groaned. For a five year old, Bran sure had a habit of being in the wrong place at exactly the correct time. "Did your mother disagree with him?" He asked. he had a feeling he knew what this was about.

"No. She told him if it really was your fault then he best go find you and get you to fix it. Then she told daddy to stop acting like a girl," Bran said, giggling again.

Merlin chuckled slightly. He forced himself out of his warm, cozy bed. He walked over to the little work bench he had set up a couple of years ago, when Gwen had gotten pregnant for the first time. He picked up a vial of the bright blue liquid. He leant down slightly, offering Bran his arms. Bran eagerly leapt into Merlin's arms, eager to follow Merlin wherever he was going. "Let's go see your mother," Merlin said, trying to hide his laughter. He was always amused by Bran's excitement.

Merlin quickly walked towards Gwen's and Arthur's chambers. He entered without knocking.

"Enter," Arthur groggy voice called.

Merlin walked in. "I could really live without the wake-up call," Merlin said jokingly, motioning to the child in his arms. Merlin let down Bran then walked over to the bed where Gwen was laying. He gently placed his arm on her shoulder, entirely ready for her angry.

So when Gwen sat up, her hands resting on her swollen stomach, and shouted, "Go away." Merlin was unphased.

"Drink this Gwen," Merlin urged.

Gwen sighed. "I don't know why you insist on me drinking this foul potion every morning. It does absolutely nothing," Gwen grumbled. She drank it anyway.

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. Any moment now. "Thank you Merlin," Gwen said gratefully.

Arthur let out the breath he had been holding. He didn't know what he would do without Merlin's magical potion that stabilized Gwen's out-of-control emotions.

When Gwen was pregnant with Bran, she had turned into a monster in the mornings. Most women got mood swings when they are pregnant, but Gwen seemed to suffer from them more than most. She would do something like kick Arthur out of bed, or yell at him, or insult him. Then a couple of minutes later, she would be curled up, bawling about how she is an awful wife. It broke Arthur's heart to see Gwen like that. He had gone to Merlin, with the hopes that he would know how to help her.

And Merlin had known exactly what to do. Arthur had been worried that taking a magical potion when she was pregnant would cause some kind of complication with her pregnancy, but Merlin ensured him that wasn't the case. He went as far as to show Arthur the excerpt in his magic book that explained what the potion was. Arthur wasn't really able to make sense of the mumbo jumbo, but he trusted Merlin's judgement.

Merlin fought with all his might to ensure that Arthur was safe and that everything Arthur holds dear to him remains safe.

Everyone realized that about a year after Arthur had discovered Merlin's magic. Merlin had been right when he said the council was going to oppose Arthur's decision. Arthur brought it up whenever he could and was always met with opposition. He had been ready to just legalize magic and ignore what his council thought, but Merlin told him not too. Merlin told him to be patient. To slowly wane his council to the idea of magic.

Arthur had been doing that, but it was a slow progress. After an entire year had passed, all Arthur had accomplished was to plant the seed of doubt that magic was always evil.

But that all changed. Arthur was attacked by Juli Lot, prince of Essetir. He really didn't have a choice. He ended up killing Juli. It was that or be killed himself.

Well, the king and queen of Essetir were furious that Arthur had killed their son. They attacked Camelot.

Merlin marched out to battle with Arthur and the knights, just like he always had. He pretended that he was just an ordinary manservant, fighting for his king. But then, he heard a scream. An all too familiar scream.

He looked over and saw someone that should have been as far from the battlefield as possible. He saw someone that should have been locked in the safety of the castle, but instead she was standing on the battlefield. He watched her drop to the ground and new he wasn't the only one that would be watching in horror as the blood spread through her gown. Merlin saw Gwen.

Merlin gave up any pretense of being normal. He screamed as loud as he could, the rage in his voice startling many around him, but he didn't care. A bunch of Lot's men flew backwards, far away from Gwen.

Arthur sprinted to her side, knowing Merlin would be there soon. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "What are you doing here?" He asked her. He couldn't believe this. She was supposed to be far, far away from here. Away from the bloodshed. Away from the danger.

"I couldn't stand not knowing. I had to help you Arthur," Gwen told him weakly.

Before Arthur had a chance to say anything, he was being shoved away from Gwen. Arthur was about to attack whoever had pushed him when he realized it was Merlin. Merlin put his hand on Gwen's stomach and started muttering a string of words under his breath as fast as he could.

When Merlin's eyes opened, Arthur could see the flash of gold that indicated he was using magic.

You could hear a pin drop on the battle field. Both the men of Camelot and the men of Essetir were watching with a mix of horror and curiosity at the man performing magic at the heart of Camelot. The men of Camelot were shocked that Merlin, Arthur's manservant, knew magic. And that Arthur wasn't doing anything about it. The men of Essetir had heard stories of how sorcerers were persecuted in Camelot. They couldn't understand why the king was standing by while a sorcerer was using magic on his queen.

"Can you heal her?" Arthur asked hopefully. He didn't care how loud his voice was or how weak he sounded. He couldn't lose Gwen.

Merlin didn't answer him. Instead, he lifted Gwen's head lightly and turned to Arthur. "Why don't you ask her yourself?" He asked.

Arthur looked down and was amazed as he saw color return to Gwen's face. Her eyes shuttered and then finally opened.

"Guinevere," he said softly. He brought his hand to her cheek. "How do you feel?"

Gwen moved around a little bit. "I feel fine," she said, surprise coloring her tone. She turned and threw her arms around Merlin.

"Thank you!" She breathed. "Thank you!"

Merlin awkwardly patted her back, clearly unprepared for her onslaught of emotion. "Um… your welcome?" He said uncertainly.

Gwen pulled back, a brilliant smile on her face.

Arthur put his hand on Merlin's shoulder affectionately. "Thank you," he said quietly. "It's not something I say enough, but thank you."

Arthur heard a cough behind him, pulling him out of the moment.

Arthur turned to see several of his knights, staring at them, shocked. If this weren't so serious, Arthur probably would have laughed. But Merlin's life was on the line and this was no laughing matter.

Arthur scanned his knights, noting that a couple of them were protectively holding their swords in front of them and some had their hands rested on their hilts, ready to jump into action if need be. But most of them were standing around, too shocked too move, too shocked to talk.

Arthur couldn't find the words. Since he was a boy, Arthur had been taught what he should say when unexpected circumstances occurred. They taught him what to say if there was a fire in the kitchens so there was a delay in supper. He was taught what to say if Camelot was being attacked. He was taught what to say if a sorcerer was caught. They covered everything they thought he would have to use, but they never covered this. There was no protocol for what he should say when his knights just discovered that he, the king of Camelot, had a manservant that knew magic.

"Surprise?" Merlin asked quietly. There was no humor in his voice, which was the only indication that Merlin was truly scared.

Merlin stood up slowly, trying to show he meant no harm. He carefully walked away from Gwen. Arthur knew what he was doing. Merlin wanted to make sure that Gwen would be safe if Arthur's knights attacked.

Merlin's action seemed to reach one of Arthur's knights. Arthur didn't even see who it was, he just saw them step forward sword raised.

"No!" Arthur said powerfully. Arthur moved so he was standing by Merlin. Merlin was still in his sight so Arthur could make sure he didn't do anything stupid, but positioned so Arthur could jump in front and become a human shield if need be. His knights wouldn't dare kill the king of Camelot. "Knights of Camelot. I stand before you, not as your king, but as your brother and friend. For nearly thirty years, magic has been regarded as a great source of evil. It was something that twists the souls of human, turning our friends into our enemies and forcing them down a path of greed and hatred. I believed all of this until about a year ago. About a year ago, every belief I had about magic was challenged, everything was questioned, everything changed."

Arthur paused, carefully taking in his knight's expressions. Arthur was pleased to discover that most of them were listening to him intently, truly considering his words. "A wise man told me there is no evil in sorcery, only in the hearts of men. At the time, I refused to believe that man's words, but then that very man did something that I never expected from a sorcerer. He stepped in front of a blade intended for me. He saved me from the evil magic of Morgana, nearly killing himself in the process. This man was Merlin. He has saved Camelot, my life, Guinevere's life, and countless other lives. He didn't have to do that. He could use his magic to gain his own riches and power. Yet he sits in the background, happy to let others take credit for what he accomplished. Merlin is a sorcerer, but he is also a protector of Camelot. And he is my friend. I have come to accept his magic. Will you?" Arthur asked. Arthur's words rang throughout the battlefield. He was truly giving his knights a choice. He wanted them to accept Merlin, but he wasn't going to force them to.

When none of his knights did anything, Gwen walked over to Arthur's side. "You have seen what Merlin can do," she said calmly, but loudly. "If it weren't for Merlin, I would be dead. My wounds should have been fatal. I ask each of you to truly examine your conscious. How can you doubt someone who uses his powers like this: for good, not evil?" Arthur looked at Gwen amazed. She had a way with words.

It was with that question, that someone finally spoke: Gwaine. "I have known Merlin for a long time now," Gwaine said. The usual carefree tone in his voice was gone. "Years ago, when he and Arthur quite stupidly decided to start a tavern fight, I stepped in to help them. Even then, I was amazed that Merlin didn't run. Most servants wouldn't have stayed to fight by their master's side, particularly when they have no fighting skills. The more I got to know Merlin the more of his goodness, loyalty, courage, and friendship I saw. I always said that he was braver than all of us combined and now we have proof. Who among us would risk our lives every time we breath for the sake of Camelot? We are all brave men, but our bravery has a limit." Gwaine took out his sword and threw it on the ground. "I accept Merlin."

One by one, the rest of Arthur's knights followed suit. Some said something about Merlin, about his bravery, about his loyalty. Arthur cold see Merlin's grin growing larger and larger.

When all was said and done, and Arthur's knights had vowed not to harm Merlin, Arthur told them he would be making the announcement to Camelot in three days' time. With that promise, the knights dispersed, all but one.

Gwaine walked over to Merlin. "You, my friend, owe me a lot off drinks to make up for keeping this secret from me," Gwaine warned him. Gwaine smiled to show Merlin that while he was angry, he wouldn't hold this against him.

Merlin couldn't help his laughter. "Tell you what," he said, trying to compose himself. "You're bill tonight is on Arthur."

Gwaine laughed victoriously. He walked away and Arthur thought he heard something that sounded like, "Drinks all around then." Arthur groaned, but didn't object. He knew he owed it to Merlin.

Arthur was pulled back to the present by a tugging on his trousers. Arthur looked down and scooped up his son, tickling him. Bran squirmed and giggled, but Arthur didn't stop until Bran was nearly crying from glee.

When Arthur stopped, Bran snuggled into his chest. "Bekfast?" He asked hopefully.

Arthur chuckled and kissed his son's forehead. He looked at Merlin expectantly.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "One day Arthur. One day you'll be capable of walking down the hallway to the kitchens," Merlin teased. "Do you want to come with me Bran?"

"Yes!" Bran squealed, squirming around in Arthur's arms so he would be let down.

As bran ran after Merlin, Arthur couldn't help but smile. It seemed today was a trip down memory lane as Arthur remembered the day he found out he was going to be a father.

It was about a month after Arthur had told all of Camelot that magic was legal and revealed Merlin's powers.

Arthur was walking through the castle, trying to find Merlin. He wasn't in his chambers, he wasn't with Gaius, and he wasn't in the stables or the kitchens or the armory. After being lectured for nearly an hour about how Merlin never goes to the tavern, Arthur knew he wasn't there. Arthur had no idea where he could be.

Arthur was walking back to his own chambers pondering his mysteriously absent manservant. He was so distracted, he almost missed the voices coming from his chambers.

When Arthur heard them, he stopped dead in his shoes. After a moment, he recognized Gwen's and Merlin's voices. His curiosity overriding his etiquette training, Arthur pressed his ear to the door and listened.

"Gwen, it will be okay," Merlin told her soothingly. Arthur scrunched up his eyebrows confused. What was wrong.

"How can this be okay?" Gwen asked, slightly hysterically.

"I'm sure Arthur will be fine with this," Merlin told her.

"If you were in his shoes, would you be okay with this?" Gwen asked him. "We never talked about this."

"Gwen, Arthur loves you. He'll understand. What's the worst that can happen?" Merlin asked her quietly.

"Are you really asking me that Merlin?" Gwen asked.

Arthur could hear Merlin chuckle. "I'll tell you with him," Merlin offered.

"Great, then he can kill both of us," Gwen grumbled.

"Gwen, Arthur will be excited for this," Merlin told her. "You need to calm down."

"I can't calm down!" Gwen cried out.

"This isn't going to go away. You have to tell him," Merlin told her.

Arthur couldn't take this anymore. He pushed open the door to his chambers. "Tell me what?" He asked.

Arthur's eyes widened when he took in the scene before him. Gwen was standing with both hands on her stomach and tears streaming down her cheeks.

Arthur stared at the placement of her hands. There was nothing particularly extraordinary about them, except they were resting on her still flat stomach like a pregnant woman would hold her stomach. "Are… you…" Arthur said. He couldn't bring himself to say the word. He motioned to her stomach and looked up at her.

Gwen bit back her sob and nodded. Arthur turned to Merlin. "Are you sure?" He asked.

Merlin nodded. That was all it took. Arthur rushed over to Gwen and kissed her passionately. He heard Merlin groan, but ignored him.

"Guinevere Pendragon. Did you imagine even for a moment that I wouldn't be excited about this?" Arthur asked, holding up her chin so she had no choice but to look in his eyes.

"We never talked about it Arthur," Gwen said quietly. "And you once said you were so frightened of being like your father that you weren't sure if you wanted children."

Arthur's eyes widened. "That was before we married Gwen," Arthur told her. "That was before I found someone I wanted to have children with outside of my duty to the crown." He put his hands on her stomach. "I don't think this baby's mother would let me be a bad father. She is too loving and wise and compassionate."

"You're really excited?" Gwen asked uncertainly.

"Gwen, we've been married almost five years. I think it's about time we start a family," Arthur told her sincerely.

Gwen smiled a joyful smile and kissed Arthur before she hugged him close to her. Arthur closed his eyes and smiled as he held his wife. He was going to be a father.

In the present, Gwen wrapped her arms around Arthur. "What are you smiling about?" Gwen asked.

Arthur turned around and kissed her lightly. "Just remembering everything. I don't know why I'm being so sentimental today," Arthur told her.

Gwen rolled her eyes. "You know exactly why you are being so sentimental," Gwen pointed out.

Arthur chuckled. "I don't know what you mean," Arthur said playing dumb.

Gwen tisked at him. "One day Arthur. one day you'll accept out loud that Merlin is important to you. You know as well as I do that seventeen years ago today, Merlin first moved to Camelot," Gwen told him softly.

"So nothing important?" Arthur asked jokingly.

"Thanks," Merlin said sarcastically. "Glad to know our friendship means so much to you."

Merlin set down four trays, one of which was overflowing with food, two of which contained a normal amount of food, and a third filled with food that Bran was actually willing to eat.

It has become tradition that Merlin eats with them for breakfast. There were some days when that was the only time Arthur and Gwen could see him.

Since Merlin's magic has been revealed and his people stopped looking at Merlin like they thought he was going to turn them into a frog, Merlin had been all over Camelot, offering his magic in any way that would help.

His skills became legendary and pretty soon, Merlin had a small class going for people interested in learning magic the way Merlin used it: to create rather than to destroy.

As the four of them ate breakfast, Arthur couldn't help but appreciate where they were right now. He had his best friend, his wife, his son, and another baby that would be here soon. It had been a long, hard journey, but Arthur was happy with where his life was going.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions for improvement. I'm always open to constructive criticism.


End file.
